Hows jokes
Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?
Boyfriend: My mom taught me.
A teacher is teaching a class algebra. Timmy, you've worked out it is AK, but what is 59 minus 12? Timmy shakes his head, not knowing. The teacher asks, "How about AK 49 minus 2?" Timmy replies with um... The teacher becomes frustrated and yells, "What comes after AK, Timmy!?" The white kid at the back stands, shouts 47, and pulls the trigger.
It's amazing how dog owners can make their dogs shout different things. For example, Czech dogs go "barf," American dogs go "woof," and Chinese dogs go "sizzle."
How does an octopus laugh? Buble buble.
How do you get a Japanese fanclub?
Walk around with a bundle of gas masks!
How do you know a vampire's sick?
If he's coffin (coughing?)
I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.
It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.
(To a thief) If you like taking things, how about you take my life?
How do Chinese people name their babies?
They chuck a pan down the stairs.
How do you name a Chinese kid?
Throw a frying pan on their head, "Ching Chong!"
How are orphans like Spider-Man?
No way home.
How do you punish Helen Keller? Just move the couch.
How do you drown a Blonde? You put a scratch and sniff sticker in a pool.
You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)
Chuck Norris trained Dude Perfect how to do it.
How sexy is Ariana Grande?
How do you know when Kobe Bryant is famous?
His face was chiseled in a mountain.
Q: How do you know there’s a party at Neverland Ranch? A: All the Big Wheels are parked out front.
Q: When do you know it’s over? A: Only one is left.
How come lepers don't play cards?
Well, if they lose a couple of hands...