Hows jokes
My sister asked me, "Brother, how do babies come into the world?" Then my mom said, "Be quiet and fuck your brother, darling."
Is that the answer?
What are the first four letters of the alphabet?
Mum: (noticing the child's hair is too long) "You need a haircut."
Brother: (winning a game on PlayStation) "Yes! Get in!"
Uncle: (making plans) "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."
Aunt: (singing a song from the show after overhearing the conversation) "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."
Next day...
Student: I know the alphabet.
Teacher: OK, go on.
Student: "You need a haircut."
Teacher: How dare you make comments like this! Do you want to go to the headteacher?
Student: "Yes! Get in!"
Teacher: What do you think you're going to be doing?
Student: "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."
*In headteacher's office*
Headteacher: Now, I hear you were very rude to the literacy teacher earlier. What do you have to say for yourself?
Student: "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."
How do you fit 4 gay guys on 1 barstool?
Turn it upside down and shove a leg up each of their asses.
How do you make sure a rape victim doesn’t testify against you?
Kill her first.
How do you stop a gang of black men from raping a white girl?
Throw them a basketball.
How Bibi celebrates Valentine's Day:
“I want to nutinyahu.”
“I’d blow up a school for you.”
“Can I be your ‘chosen person?’ 👉👈”
“I wanna bibi inside yo pp.”
How many cops does it take to push a black man down a flight of stairs?
None, he fell.
How does someone with Down's Syndrome vote?
Through a special ballot.
How many prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just put the light bulb up their pussy and ask you to pay.
James Bond walks into a saloon where Michael J. Fox is tending bar. He says, "I’ll have a martini, shaken, not stirred."
Michael turns to him and says, "How else would I serve it?"
Q: How many aborted babies does it take to paint a house?
A: Depends on how hard you throw them.
How do you know an orphan is telling the truth?
When they swear on their mother's grave!
How do you keep a blind person entertained? Give them a piece of sandpaper and tell them it’s a word.
How many Indians does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and wait for the British to come and do it.
How much is McDonald's on a hot day?
Trump cut the company's advertising spending on Spotcom by 25%.
How does Stephen Hawking compete in the hurdles?
He ducks when he gets to them.
Stephen Hawking walked into a bar.
Oh, is that how he ended up in a wheelchair?
Donald Trump is so smart he got to take a cognitive test 4 times.
And if you think that's impressive, wait until you hear how many times he got to retake first grade.
How did Hitler like his portobello mushrooms?
Jewcy.
How was Jenga invented?
By watching the Twin Towers collapse.