Holiday jokes
Sally has no arms. What did she get for Christmas? I don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.
What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?
"Time to hit the sack!"
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Santa Claus gives a child a bike. The child was mad. Why? He had no legs.
Why is Santa make-believe?
Because he is fake!
It's Christmas!
What did Santa Claus get Paris Hilton for Christmas?
He raped her.
Orphans' calendar consists of 362 days. Why?
Because they don't got homecoming, Father's Day, and Mother's Day.
Why does an orphan's year only have 363 days? Because it's missing Mother's and Father's Day.
Why is there only 363 days in an orphan calendar? Because they don't have Mother's Day or Father's Day.
Note to self.
When baking for the holidays, don't Google "creampies".
Google "cream pie recipes".
What do orphans call a holiday?
A bit of soil and some leaves as a blanket.
I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
What did the girl get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Santa Claus walks up to three little girls and says, "Ho, ho, ho!"
Flip 1134 over on a calculator.
Happy holidays!
Why do Catholic Irishmen in Ireland have a glory hole in the men's restroom inside their restaurants so they can give Irish kisses on Saint Patrick's Day?
Why do Chinese people hate Christmas? Because they make the toys.
So Santa fell down the chimney, but it was a lit chimney...his name's no longer Santa. It's Crisp Cringle. Pls send help :)
A kid got a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. He was still unhappy.
Why?
The kid had no legs.