Holiday jokes
What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!
Why does an orphan’s calendar only have 363 days?
There are no Father’s or Mother’s Days on their calendar.
Yo mama so ugly that on Halloween she didn't get candy.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off!
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.
Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡
Why don’t Chinese kids get to celebrate Christmas?
'Cause they're the ones making the toys.
Three Things I Want For Christmas From Santa:
1. A Lambo
2. A House
3. UR MOM
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
Hey guys, I have a question.
Doesn't everyone's parents tell them don't take candy from strangers? Then what is Halloween?
What's the best part of a terrorist on Fourth of July?
The finale.
Q. What monster plays the most April Fools' pranks?
A. Prankenstein.
What does the child with no hands get for Christmas? Unknown. He hasn't opened it yet.
What does a homeless man in New York get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
Why is Santa always a b*tch, calling people names like, "Hoe, hoe, hoe?"
Where does a pencil go to vacation? Pennsylvania.
What does Santa say to 3 girls in a row?
HO HO HO
You look pretty today... April Fools!
I went on a one in a lifetime vacation. Never again!
What’s an orphan’s least favorite school event? Homecoming!
What does a stuttering Santa call Mrs. Claus?
A hoe hoe hoe.