Holiday jokes
I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤
Why does an orphan’s calendar only have 363 days?
There are no Father’s or Mother’s Days on their calendar.
What's a pedophile's favorite part of Halloween? Free delivery.
Why do orphans go to church on family day? cuz they get to spend time with their father.
What do you call a mariachi band sinking in Mayonnaise?
Cinco De Mayo.
Memes
My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say, "That's Thanksgiving, man!"
What did Santa Claus bring Michael Jackson for Christmas? His elves! 😂😂😂
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
Where would a snowman go on his days off of work?
Snowhere.
What does Santa say about my mom? HO HO HO!
Happy new year! 🥳
What does an orphan get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.
Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.
...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.
This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."
What did the little girl with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, she's still trying to open it...
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!
For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.
Why didn't the boy like his Christmas presents? Hint: They were a soccer ball, bicycle, and running shoes.