Holiday jokes
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
Why does an orphan’s calendar only have 363 days?
There are no Father’s or Mother’s Days on their calendar.
What's a pedophile's favorite part of Halloween? Free delivery.
Why do orphans go to church on family day? cuz they get to spend time with their father.
I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.
Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.
...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.
yes do not forget
What do you call a mariachi band sinking in Mayonnaise?
Cinco De Mayo.
What did Santa Claus bring Michael Jackson for Christmas? His elves! 😂😂😂
My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say, "That's Thanksgiving, man!"
I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.
What is it you can give at Christmas and still keep? Herpes.
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
What does Santa say about my mom? HO HO HO!
Where would a snowman go on his days off of work?
Snowhere.
Happy new year! 🥳
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!
What does an orphan get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
What did the little girl with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, she's still trying to open it...
Why was everybody so tired on April 1st? Because they just finished a March of 31 days!
My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.