Holiday jokes
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
What's a pedophile's favorite part of Halloween? Free delivery.
Why does an orphan’s calendar only have 363 days?
There are no Father’s or Mother’s Days on their calendar.
Why do orphans go to church on family day? cuz they get to spend time with their father.
What do you call a mariachi band sinking in Mayonnaise?
Cinco De Mayo.
yes do not forget
What did Santa Claus bring Michael Jackson for Christmas? His elves! 😂😂😂
My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say, "That's Thanksgiving, man!"
What is it you can give at Christmas and still keep? Herpes.
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
Where would a snowman go on his days off of work?
Snowhere.
What does Santa say about my mom? HO HO HO!
I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
Happy new year! 🥳
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!
What does an orphan get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.
Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.
...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.
What did the little girl with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, she's still trying to open it...
Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.
Why is Santa's sack always full?
Because he only comes once a year.