Holiday jokes
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
Why does an orphan’s calendar only have 363 days?
There are no Father’s or Mother’s Days on their calendar.
What's a pedophile's favorite part of Halloween? Free delivery.
Why do orphans go to church on family day? cuz they get to spend time with their father.
What do you call a mariachi band sinking in Mayonnaise?
Cinco De Mayo.
Memes
yes do not forget
What did Santa Claus bring Michael Jackson for Christmas? His elves! 😂😂😂
My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say, "That's Thanksgiving, man!"
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
What does Santa say about my mom? HO HO HO!
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.
Where would a snowman go on his days off of work?
Snowhere.
What is it you can give at Christmas and still keep? Herpes.
Happy new year! 🥳
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!
What does an orphan get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.
Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.
...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.
What did the little girl with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, she's still trying to open it...
What did the deaf, dumb, blind, paraplegic, autistic baby get for Christmas? AIDs.
Why is Santa's sack always full?
Because he only comes once a year.