Holiday jokes
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
Why does an orphan’s calendar only have 363 days?
There are no Father’s or Mother’s Days on their calendar.
What's a pedophile's favorite part of Halloween? Free delivery.
Why do orphans go to church on family day? cuz they get to spend time with their father.
Memes
What do you call a mariachi band sinking in Mayonnaise?
Cinco De Mayo.
What did Santa Claus bring Michael Jackson for Christmas? His elves! 😂😂😂
My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say, "That's Thanksgiving, man!"
What does Santa say about my mom? HO HO HO!
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.
Where would a snowman go on his days off of work?
Snowhere.
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
Happy new year! 🥳
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!
What does an orphan get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.
Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.
...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.
What did the little girl with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, she's still trying to open it...
Me going to jail for telling the orphan he has 363 days because mothers and Father’s Day.
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.