Holiday jokes
Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you.
Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"
What car do elves drive?
Toy-yodas.
What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?
Moorry Christmas!
(Even though cows can't really have religions.)
Wash It Away - By Bradley Lewis(watersharky) and Ben Lewis and Watersharky Music Productions - Why does it always feel like I'm the one that's had a bad day?
Whether I'm stuck in traffic or showing up to work late,
Oh this 9 to 5 feels like 9 to forever been working all week
For a jerk that thinks they can say whatever they want to me
I'll just bite my tongue for a couple more days
Soon I'll be in that island sun surfing those waves
I need the beach I love the ocean
Put my feet in the sand
Watch the earth in motion
Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day
Take it to the shoreside and wash it away
Oh yeah
You gotta wash it away
Finally I'm here and I can't even stop myself from smiling
Somebody hand me a beer and I'll check the girls on the island
Don't miss my 9 to 5
Living like a local on this island time
I got those sandy toes and nobody knows jump in the ocean and just go with the flow
I'll miss my sandy toes
I've got to go back before you know this island is my home
I need the beach I love the ocean
Put my feet in the sand
Watch the earth in motion
Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day
Take it to the shoreside and wash it away
Oh yeah
You gotta wash it away
Wash it away
I need the beach I love the ocean
Put my feet in the sand
Watch the earth in motion
Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day
Take it to the shoreside and wash it away
Oh yeah
You gotta
Wash it away
Wash it away
It's that time of year again. 🎄🎅🤶🎄
If you ever get bored, tell an orphan to take two days off their calendar. If they ask why, say, "Because you're missing Father's Day and Mother's Day."
Where would a snowman go on his days off of work?
Snowhere.
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.
What are the differences between Santa and Joe Biden?
The kids actually want to sit on Santa’s lap.
What did the kid who has no arms get for Christmas?
He couldn't even open it.
Why are Santa's balls so big?
Because he comes once a year.
Why can’t Santa have kids?
He only cums once a year.
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.
Picture of yo mama last Christmas and the damn thing’s still printing.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Yo mama so ugly people dress up as her on Halloween.
Wanna ride a reindeer for Christmas? *rubs my antlers on you*
On a scale from 1 to America, how free are you this weekend?
In the new Grinch, the Whos would say he stole Christmas, "Get him!" Then the Grinch said, "I'm an orphan!" That changes everything. The Whos said, "What would they do if Max was an orphan?"