What present did the armless kid get for Christmas?
He got gloves. Ohh, sorry, he could never open the present.
Holiday Jokes
Halloween joke:
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A blood test.
Where did the pig go on holiday?
Snout and about.
Wanna know something the orphan could never do?
Wish anyone a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
One good thing about lynching during the holidays, free tree ornaments.
What did the blind, deaf, mentally handicapped orphan get for Christmas?
Cancer.
I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak, and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.
If you ever get bored, tell an orphan to take two days off their calendar. If they ask why, say, "Because you're missing Father's Day and Mother's Day."
A boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad?
He doesn’t have legs.
What did the gay guy say to his boyfriend before leaving to go on vacation?
"Do you need help packing your shit?"
Merry Christmas, my fellow hoes!
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?
He had nobody to go with.
What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?
Nothing.
I like Christmas.
It’s the holiday where an old man breaks into people’s homes so he can give them toys! :) yaaaaay 😁
You're so fat, the only thing you could be for Halloween is the Kool-Aid Man.
My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.
"I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe."
"Why?"
"Because I want to hang!"
Yo mama so old.
Her first Christmas... was the first Christmas!
This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.
You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"
How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?
