Holiday jokes
What do you call a winter time contact?
A Santa Claus.
Why can't orphans celebrate Christmas?
Father Christmas left them.
What did the kid who has no arms get for Christmas?
He couldn't even open it.
When it's April Fool's Day, go to an orphan and say, "Their parents should come back!"
What did the person with no hands get for Christmas?
He didn't open it yet.
One good thing about lynching during the holidays, free tree ornaments.
What present did the armless kid get for Christmas?
He got gloves. Ohh, sorry, he could never open the present.
Halloween joke:
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A blood test.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite holiday? 4th of July when they set off fireworks.
Where did the pig go on holiday?
Snout and about.
Wanna know something the orphan could never do?
Wish anyone a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak, and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.
If you ever get bored, tell an orphan to take two days off their calendar. If they ask why, say, "Because you're missing Father's Day and Mother's Day."
So I got my son a trampoline for Christmas this year, and he was so ungrateful, like he just sat there crying in his wheelchair. What has this world come to?
A boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad?
He doesn’t have legs.
This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."
What did the gay guy say to his boyfriend before leaving to go on vacation?
"Do you need help packing your shit?"
Why does Santa not have any children?
He only cums once a year.
Merry Christmas, my fellow hoes!
Why do a pedophile love Halloween?
Free delivery.