What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
What present did the armless kid get for Christmas?
He got gloves. Ohh, sorry, he could never open the present.
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.
Wanna know something the orphan could never do?
Wish anyone a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
Halloween joke:
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A blood test.
I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak, and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.
If you ever get bored, tell an orphan to take two days off their calendar. If they ask why, say, "Because you're missing Father's Day and Mother's Day."
A boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad?
He doesn’t have legs.
What did the gay guy say to his boyfriend before leaving to go on vacation?
"Do you need help packing your shit?"
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?
He had nobody to go with.
Merry Christmas, my fellow hoes!
What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?
Nothing.
What does the cow say when its going on holiday - MOOOOOYORK
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because it was the Chicken's day off!
Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.
Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.
Why does an orphan cry on Thanksgiving?
Family gathering.
Why was Santa happy?
'Cause he has hoes.
On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.
I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.
