Holiday Jokes

My dad told me Santa was black, so instead of cookie and milk waiting for him when he came down the chimney, he got cornbread and purple kool-aid.

Well tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey

What’s the difference between Santa and my dad

Santa got the milk

Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing!!! Tomorrow I am going to six flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR day!!!!!! Woohooo!!!!

Your chin is were i went on ski vacation.

Three Things I Want For Christmas From Santa 1. A Lambo 2. A House 3. UR MOM

What did the orphan want for Christmas.

Parents

why do orphans not like july 24th?? because its parents day

What do christmas decorations and dead people have in common?

They both hang from a tree!

What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross? Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter Vacation.

Brrr it's fucking cold outside aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh how about the latest phone! Who me? Oh I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas ya filthy animals!

in the new grinch the whos would say he stole christmest get him then the grinch said im a orphan that changes everything the whos said what would they do if max was a orphan

What is a dog 🐕 that is Christmas? A Christmas tree dog 🐶

what night an aborted child want for Christmas ..... a home that isnt a bin

why does the emo hate christmas the ordamonts get hanged and they dont

Roses are red Violets are blue If hes busy on Valentines day the side chick is you

Adam and Eve were sitting on the beach one day and Eve says to Adam let's go for a swim. Adam replies I'm not in the mood. She says ok I will go by myself. She puts her toes in the water and splashes around and says the water is beautiful come in and Adam replies na still not in the mood. Eve wade's into the water until she gets to her waist. Adam jumps up and yells at Eve standing waist deep and says Oh No now all the fish are gonna smell like that.

One man was very depressed cause he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grief. Suddenly with the head rise up he sees Santa Claus walking by. - Santa? he asks. 'Why are you early, it is not even christmas?' - ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Lets worry about you instead' says Santa. What is the problem my friend?' - I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house.' Santa: I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life and i'll give it to you-' Man: My first wish is i want my house back. Santa: Done! Man: My second wish is i want 1 million amount of cash in my bank account. Santa: Done! Man: My third wish is i also want my job back! Santa: Done, but before i actually give you those wishes, I haft to hump you. Man: Okey. Lets do it. So the Santa claus takes of his pants to hump the man. After they are done humping the santa ask the man: -How old are you? Man: I am 35 years old. Santa: And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!

Why do catholic Irishman in Ireland have a glory hole in the men's restroom inside their restaurants so they can give Irish kisses on Saints Patrick's Day