Holiday jokes

What's the difference between family and cats...

Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.

Santa Claus gives a child a bike. The child was mad. Why? He had no legs.

Boo! 👻🎃💀🕷️🕸️☠️ (So scary, right?)

"I can't wait for Thanksgiving!" said the turkey.

Yo mama so fat that she was the float in the Thanksgiving Day Parade with Kermit the Frog!

Three Things I Want For Christmas From Santa:

1. A Lambo

2. A House

3. UR MOM

Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!

Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.

He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.

There are 365 days in a year. Orphans have 363 because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day.

Your chin is where I went on ski vacation.

How do you know if a snowman is a girl or a boy?

A: Snowballs.

What pizza 🍕 do you order for Christmas?

Cheeses Crust!

What do Christmas decorations and dead people have in common?

They both hang from a tree!

What is Labor Day? That’s when mommies have their babes.

Why do orphans not like July 24th??

Because it's Parents Day.

What did the orphan want for Christmas?

Parents.

I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.

Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡

What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?

Santa got the milk.

What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?

"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.