Holiday Jokes

Three Things I Want For Christmas From Santa:

1. A Lambo

2. A House

3. UR MOM

What pizza 🍕 do you order for Christmas?

Cheeses Crust!

I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.

Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡

What do Christmas decorations and dead people have in common?

They both hang from a tree!

Why do orphans not like July 24th??

Because it's Parents Day.

new years be like in my house

The image is a split panel. On the left, the text "Others" is above a blurry image of a crowd celebrating with confetti. On the right, the text "Me" is above a picture of a baby illuminated by the light of a phone in their hands. The words "Same To You" appear multiple times over the baby. Above both images it says "31st December Night".

What did the orphan want for Christmas?

Parents.

What is Labor Day? That’s when mommies have their babes.

Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.

He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.

Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!

Your chin is where I went on ski vacation.

There are 365 days in a year. Orphans have 363 because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day.

How do you know if a snowman is a girl or a boy?

A: Snowballs.

"I can't wait for Thanksgiving!" said the turkey.

What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?

Santa got the milk.

Yo mama so fat that she was the float in the Thanksgiving Day Parade with Kermit the Frog!

What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?

"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

Celebrating Mother's Day is confusing, says my cousin.

Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!

Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!