Holiday jokes
Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words. His response was, "Ho ho ho."
Yo mama so scary, the government moved Halloween to her birthday!
Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with.
I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night.
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!
Which month is the bus? December.
What’s an orphan’s favorite holidays? Mothers’ and Father’s Day.
What do you call a green boner? The Grinch.
What is a dog that is Christmas?
A Christmas tree dog!
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.
I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"
Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?
Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.
What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.
What does the cow say when it's going on holiday? - MOOOOOYORK.
Knock knock. Who's there? Oswald. Oswald who? Oswald my Halloween candy and now it's stuck in my throat!
On April Fools' Day, there is no fool except for me.
Tis the season to be spooky.
What do you call the ghost of the Thanksgiving turkey? A Poultrygeist.