Holiday jokes
What's the difference between family and cats...
Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.
My dad told me Santa was black, so instead of cookies and milk waiting for him when he came down the chimney, he got cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
Santa Claus gives a child a bike. The child was mad. Why? He had no legs.
Boo! 👻🎃💀🕷️🕸️☠️ (So scary, right?)
What do Orphans say on Father's Day?
Well, not "Happy Father's Day."
Yo mama so ugly, when Santa saw her, he said, "Ho, ho, hole shit!"
How do you know if a snowman is a girl or a boy?
A: Snowballs.
What pizza 🍕 do you order for Christmas?
Cheeses Crust!
Your chin is where I went on ski vacation.
Three Things I Want For Christmas From Santa:
1. A Lambo
2. A House
3. UR MOM
Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.
He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.
Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!
What did the orphan want for Christmas?
Parents.
I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.
Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡
What do Christmas decorations and dead people have in common?
They both hang from a tree!
Why do orphans not like July 24th??
Because it's Parents Day.
What is Labor Day? That’s when mommies have their babes.
There are 365 days in a year. Orphans have 363 because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day.
What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?
Santa got the milk.
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.