Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?
Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.
Holiday Jokes
What is a pedophile's favorite job?
The mall santa.
I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?
A: Free delivery.
Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they're the ones who made the toys.
I love it when candy canes are in mint condition.
I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.
Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.
...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.
What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
What is a ghost's favorite cake?
I scream cake!
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
Why do orphans only have 363 days?
They don’t have Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Why was Santa happy?
Because he had 3 hoes.
Why was Mrs. Claus upset?
Because Santa only comes once a year.
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
Why do Chinese people hate Christmas? Because they make the toys.
