Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don't have Mother's and Father's day.
What is a pedophile's favorite job?
The mall santa.
I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?
A: Free delivery.
I love it when candy canes are in mint condition.
Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they're the ones who made the toys.
I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.
Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.
...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.
What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
What is a ghost's favorite cake?
I scream cake!
Why was Santa happy?
Because he had 3 hoes.
Why do Chinese people hate Christmas? Because they make the toys.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Why do orphans only have 363 days?
They don’t have Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
Why was Mrs. Claus upset?
Because Santa only comes once a year.
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
