Holiday jokes
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Friend: Why?
Me: Because they don't have a mother or father's day.
"I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe."
"Why?"
"Because I want to hang!"
Guess what I got from my uncle this Christmas? Herpes.
Yo mama so stupid, she said, "Where are my gifts?" on Father's Day.
I usually hang up Halloween decorations,
but this year I'm gonna be the decoration.
Saint Niggalas
Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.
He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.
Q. What monster plays the most April Fools' pranks?
A. Prankenstein.
What is the true meaning of Christmas?
Stealing presents from orphans - a quote by Technoblade.
What did the blind, deaf, and dumb orphans get for Christmas?...
Cancer.
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with.
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.
The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.
Why is Santa make-believe?
Because he is fake!
Yo mama so fat, when Santa Claus went down the chimney, he said, "Ho, ho, hooooly sh*t!"
Where does Santa send his children to study?
The Elf-phabets.
What did Santa say when he saw a pretty girl? HO, HO, HO!
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
Q: What kind of Christmas music do elves like?
A: “Wrap” music.
Where do short people disappear on the first of December?
Santa's Workshop.
Why did the lion say, "I'm faster than you," to the cheetah?
Because it was Halloween!