Holiday jokes
Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?
Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.
Yo mama so stupid, she said, "Where are my gifts?" on Father's Day.
What is a pedophile's favorite job?
The mall santa.
I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.
Memes
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?
A: Free delivery.
Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they're the ones who made the toys.
I love it when candy canes are in mint condition.
What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!
I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤
Why do orphans only have 363 days?
They don’t have Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
Why was Santa happy?
Because he had 3 hoes.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.
What is a ghost's favorite cake?
I scream cake!
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
Why was Mrs. Claus upset?
Because Santa only comes once a year.
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.