Me: September is here!
[Labor Day comes]
Also me (ft. Green Day): “Wake me up when September ends!”
What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?
Santa got the milk.
Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!
Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!
Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with.
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?
"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
Why do orphans only have 363 days?
They don’t have Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
Boo! 👻🎃💀🕷️🕸️☠️ (So scary, right?)
What did the deaf, dumb, blind, paraplegic, autistic baby get for Christmas? AIDs.
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?
Because they don't have a Father's Day.
I usually hang up Halloween decorations,
but this year I'm gonna be the decoration.
What did the hermit crabs do on Mother's Day?
They shellabrated their mommy.
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.
Rizz,
Are you a biographer? Cause I picture us together.
Can I take a picture of you for I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
No pen, no paper, you still draw my attention.
You know what I hate about math? They always talk about x and y, but not about u and i.
Why do Chinese people hate Christmas? Because they make the toys.
Celebrating Mother's Day is confusing, says my cousin.
Why was Santa happy?
Because he had 3 hoes.
