What’s brown, fuzzy, and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation.
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa Claus?
They're the ones that make the toys.
What is an orphan's least favorite holiday?
Christmas, they wish they'd get parents.
I still don't know what's the worst, most dangerous place to take your children on holiday, but, for certain, it's either Vatican City or Neverland Ranch.
Yo momma so fat, Santa said, "Ho, ho, ho, I've gotta go!"
If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.
"I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe."
"Why?"
"Because I want to hang!"
What did the Turkey say to the other Turkey?
"They forgot the stuffing!"
Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?
Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.
I replaced "Jingle Bells" with "Jiggle Balls"... "Jiggle balls, jiggle balls, jiggle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride on jiggly balls today!"
Q: Why was the depressed kid sad on Christmas?
A: They weren't hanging like the ornaments on a tree.
Are you winter? Because you will be coming soon.
What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.
Halloween joke:
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A blood test.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don't have Mother's and Father's day.
Your chin is where I went on ski vacation.
What's the best part of a terrorist on Fourth of July?
The finale.
If you are depressed, eat Panera Bread. It is so yummy yum yyum yum yum yum.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas From the bottom of my heart.
Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.
My dad told me Santa was black, so instead of cookies and milk waiting for him when he came down the chimney, he got cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
