Holiday jokes
If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.
What's the difference between family and cats...
Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.
What do you call a winter time contact?
A Santa Claus.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
Why do orphans go on holiday?
To see what family is like.
How do you know if a snowman is a girl or a boy?
A: Snowballs.
Why is Santa so happy? He knows where all the naughty girls and ho ho hos live.
You are so ugly Santa goes "ho ho ho holy sh*t."
Two gays are getting ready for Christmas... They are expecting a big package in the mail!
What did Santa Claus bring Michael Jackson for Christmas? His elves! 😂😂😂
Why was everybody so tired on April 1st? Because they just finished a March of 31 days!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Terrier.
Terrier who?
Your Halloween decorations are terri-fying!
Merry Christmas, my fellow hoes!
I'm so excited for Christmas Pudding... Pudding these nuts in your mouth.
So I stayed at home for Halloween when I suddenly hear a knock on my door. I open and I see Penandes! I was confused and asked him why he does not wear a costume, and he said he doesn't need to.
Then I realized that he's a ghost and gave him 3 candies. Enjoy the candies Pruno!
You're so ugly, you have trick-or-treat on the phone!
April Fool's Day: Go tell an orphan their parents are back.
Orphan: Where... Oh.
What do you call a snowman that lives in Halloween? Snoween!
I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak, and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.
Orphans' calendar consists of 362 days. Why?
Because they don't got homecoming, Father's Day, and Mother's Day.