Holiday jokes
I usually hang up Halloween decorations,
but this year I'm gonna be the decoration.
What did the hermit crabs do on Mother's Day?
They shellabrated their mommy.
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.
Rizz,
Are you a biographer? Cause I picture us together.
Can I take a picture of you for I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
No pen, no paper, you still draw my attention.
You know what I hate about math? They always talk about x and y, but not about u and i.
Why do Chinese people hate Christmas? Because they make the toys.
What do Orphans say on Father's Day?
Well, not "Happy Father's Day."
Why was 6 afraid of 9?
Because 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Happy New Year!
Celebrating Mother's Day is confusing, says my cousin.
Why was Santa happy?
Because he had 3 hoes.
Why was Mrs. Claus upset?
Because Santa only comes once a year.
Picture of yo mama last Christmas and the damn thing’s still printing.
Orphans have 362 days in a year because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day and no birthday.
On a scale from 1 to America, how free are you this weekend?
Why do orphans only have 362 days in a year?
Because they don't have Mothers', Fathers', and Family Day!
Me going to jail for telling the orphan he has 363 days because mothers and Father’s Day.
Wanna know something the orphan could never do?
Wish anyone a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,
"Please send me a sibling!"
Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.
Yo mama so ugly, that when Santa came down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho- HOLY SHIT!"