I still don't know what's the worst, most dangerous place to take your children on holiday. But, for certain, it's either Vatican City or Neverland Ranch.
If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.
"I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe " " why?" "Because I want to hang"
I replaced "Jingle Bells" with "Jiggle Balls"... "Jiggle balls, jiggle balls, jiggle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride on jiggly balls today!"
Q: Why was the depressed kid sad on Christmas?
A: They weren't hanging like the ornaments on a tree.
Are you winter? Because you will be coming soon.
What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don't have Mother's and Father's day.
Your chin is were i went on ski vacation.
if you are depressed, eat panera bread it is so yummy yum yyum yum yum yum Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas From the bottom of my heart.
Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.
My dad told me Santa was black, so instead of cookie and milk waiting for him when he came down the chimney, he got cornbread and purple kool-aid.
Why do orphans hate Christmas? Father Christmas isn’t a thing.
Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad. The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.
"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."
"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."
The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.
"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here.
My wife says s*x is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.
Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they're the ones who made the toys.
What’s micheal Jackson’s favorite holiday? 4th of July when they set off fireworks
How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.
Last Christmas was awesome, the whole family came.
Teacher: What is your least favorite holiday? Orphan: National Forgive Your Mom And Dad Day. Teacher: Why is that your least favorite? Orphan: Because I don't have any parents to forgive. Teacher: *tries to hold back* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
