History jokes

Cesar: What was that good salad called?

Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.

Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?

Servant: Hail, Cesar.

Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!

Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.

Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!

Why did Hitler get hit by a baseball?

Because he did nazi it coming!

There was a cowboy riding in a desert when he saw a little girl up ahead. He heard her crying, so he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her: "Hey, what's going on? Why do you cry? Where are your parents? What happened?"

The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The Indians came, killed my father and my mother, and raped my sister."

The cowboy just laughed, unlocked his belt, and pulled his trousers down and said, "Guess it isn't your day, is it?"

It's the 1940s.

The chink was counting his shillings. The chink was bitching. His wife got raped in Nanking. The chink counts his shillings.

The chink gets sook chinged!

Who was the knight on the Round Table that only ate meat?

Sir Loin.

My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.

What's the difference between a painting and Jesus?

A painting only needs one nail.

Americans don't like playing chess with Muslims; last time they did play, they ended up losing two towers.

I named my iPod "Titanic." It's syncing now.

It was not a hijack, it was Stephen Hawking.

If Adolf starred in the Room, his most iconic line would be “I did not Hitler! I did not!”

Why is the Champs d'Elysees in Paris lined with trees?

Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!

What type of pizza did the 9/11 victims order? Two planes.

What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?

At least you don’t die when you shower.

Q: What is Germany's favorite board game?

A: Nahtzee (Yahtzee).

Hey guys! Want to know something cool? Google Jesus' language. It's Aramaic.

Next, google "God in Aramaic". See the results for yourself. <3

I kinda feel sorry for Hitler.

Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.

Your hairline is so far back, even the slaves can't plant that shit back.

Guy: Michael Jackson wasn’t in ancient times!

Me: hee hee egypt.

What are the similarities between the twin towers and my ex?

They both went down on my dad.