History jokes
What is black and white and red all over?
JFK
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?
Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson screwed little boys.
There was an Indian riding in the desert when he saw a little blond-haired white girl up ahead. He heard her crying. So he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her, "Hey, what’s going on? Why are you crying? Where are your parents? What happened?"
The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The bandidos came, killed my father, my brothers, then my mother, and raped my sister."
The Indian just laughed, untied and dropped his breechcloth, then said, “Guess this isn’t your day, is it?”
There was a cowboy riding in a desert when he saw a little girl up ahead. He heard her crying, so he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her: "Hey, what's going on? Why do you cry? Where are your parents? What happened?"
The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The Indians came, killed my father and my mother, and raped my sister."
The cowboy just laughed, unlocked his belt, and pulled his trousers down and said, "Guess it isn't your day, is it?"
"Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"9/11"
"9/11 Who?"
"I thought you'd never forget..."
Why do people always talk about nine eleven???
My dad died that day.
He was a good pilot.
What did the chef on the Titanic scream as he tried to finish the dishes? "Oh no, the sink sank!"
I don’t make 9/11 jokes; they have a tendency to crash and burn.
Cesar: What was that good salad called?
Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.
Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?
Servant: Hail, Cesar.
Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!
Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.
Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!
Why did Hitler get hit by a baseball?
Because he did nazi it coming!
It's the 1940s.
The chink was counting his shillings. The chink was bitching. His wife got raped in Nanking. The chink counts his shillings.
The chink gets sook chinged!
Who was the knight on the Round Table that only ate meat?
Sir Loin.
If Adolf starred in the Room, his most iconic line would be “I did not Hitler! I did not!”
Why is the Champs d'Elysees in Paris lined with trees?
Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!
Americans don't like playing chess with Muslims; last time they did play, they ended up losing two towers.
What's the difference between a painting and Jesus?
A painting only needs one nail.
It was not a hijack, it was Stephen Hawking.
What type of pizza did the 9/11 victims order? Two planes.
Why did the Indian cross the road?
To run away from the Pakistani.
Q: What is Germany's favorite board game?
A: Nahtzee (Yahtzee).