History jokes
What are the similarities between the twin towers and my ex?
They both went down on my dad.
Guy: Michael Jackson wasn’t in ancient times!
Me: hee hee egypt.
Your hairline is so far back, even the slaves can't plant that shit back.
Why is the USA bad at chess?
Because they lost two towers.
My father died in 9/11. It's such a shame. He was a great pilot. 😔
Memes
"Whole November month, sniper lessons available in Dallas U.S.?"
Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?
Answer: She’s dead.
What's the difference between an apple and a black man?
Apples look better hanging on a tree.
What's the emergency number, Jimmy?
Jimmy: 9/11!
The first trains were often derailed. They had a bad track record.
Do you need an ark?
Because I Noah guy!
How does an American know that his time has come?
He starts hearing Vietnamese.
McDonald's was originally called "Mac and Dick," so, if you think about it, you could be enjoying a Big Dick instead of a Big Mac.
Q: What is Germany's favorite board game?
A: Nahtzee (Yahtzee).
In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.
One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”
There was an Indian riding in the desert when he saw a little blond-haired white girl up ahead. He heard her crying. So he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her, "Hey, what’s going on? Why are you crying? Where are your parents? What happened?"
The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The bandidos came, killed my father, my brothers, then my mother, and raped my sister."
The Indian just laughed, untied and dropped his breechcloth, then said, “Guess this isn’t your day, is it?”
What is Beethoven doing right now?
Nothing, because he is dead.
Hippity Hoppity, women are my property.
Bippity Boppity, get the f*ck off my property!
Tonight, on Top Gear!
James May dives a bus full of kids off a mountain!
Richard Hammond starts WW3 in Germany!
And I fly a plane into the World Trade Center!
Why did the Indian cross the road?
To run away from the Pakistani.