History jokes
Me: My grandpa killed 100 nazis in WWII.
My Friend: Well my grandpa killed Hitler.
Me: *Realizes*
Why are all Asians so skinny?
Because last time there was a fat man a whole population disappeared.
What would Hitler do if he was in Minecraft?
Mien.
A note for my History Teacher:
Frick frack apple jack tic tac sick sack Mr. Khan and give him a big fat whack 'cause his teaching's got lack, his system I will hack and through the screen I'll give him a smack. I'll throw him on the clothing rack. On his seat I'll put thumb tacks, I'll break his momma's back... and he'll never come back.
A Chinese drunk and a Jewish drunk are sitting together on a park bench.
After finishing his drink, the Jew takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Chinese drunk.
"What the hell was that for?" asks the Chinese man, rubbing his head.
"That was for Pearl Harbor!" replies the Jewish drunk.
"Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!" he exclaims in return.
"Eh, Chinese, Japanese, Korean... you're all the same to me," the Jewish man explains as he gets up to leave.
The next day, the two drunks are back on the same park bench. The Chinese drunk suddenly takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Jew.
"Why the hell did you do that?" the Jewish man stammers.
"That was for the Titanic!" explains the Chinese drunk.
"The Titanic? What are you talking about? No one attacked it, it sunk when it hit an iceberg!" the Jew replies.
"Eh, Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg... you're all the same to me," the Chinese drunk happily retorts.
How do you know America's bad at chess?
They lost 2 towers!
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.
What's the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it.
What's the difference between genocide and mass murder?
Genocide is racist.
My dad died in 9/11. He was such a good pilot.
Why did the plane cross the sky?
To hit the Twin Towers...
How many dead slaves does it take to change a lightbulb?
Apparently, more than 6, because my basement is still dark.
My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.
What’s the difference between Jesus and Maddie McCann?
One had the last supper.
How did we know Princess Diana had dandruff?
'Cause the police found her Head and Shoulders on the dash.
My uncle died in the 9/11 attacks. He was the best pilot I had ever met.
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
What's the difference between cancer and a Nazi? Cancer doesn't discriminate.
Do you know why the Royal family can no longer play Monopoly?
How do you think Princess Diana died?
...Too soon?
What did the Nazi order from Wendy's?
Two number NEINs.