History jokes
How do you know America's bad at chess?
They lost 2 towers!
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.
Men built civilisations. Men went to the moon. Men invented the modern comforts of today’s society.
Women did none of those. They are useless, only fit to be baby making machines.
My dad died in 9/11. He was such a good pilot.
What's the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it.
What's the difference between genocide and mass murder?
Genocide is racist.
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
My uncle died in the 9/11 attacks. He was the best pilot I had ever met.
How many dead slaves does it take to change a lightbulb?
Apparently, more than 6, because my basement is still dark.
Why did the plane cross the sky?
To hit the Twin Towers...
My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.
How did we know Princess Diana had dandruff?
'Cause the police found her Head and Shoulders on the dash.
What’s the difference between Jesus and Maddie McCann?
One had the last supper.
What's the difference between cancer and a Nazi? Cancer doesn't discriminate.
Do you know why the Royal family can no longer play Monopoly?
How do you think Princess Diana died?
...Too soon?
What did the Nazi order from Wendy's?
Two number NEINs.
Which one of Lord Arthur's knights invented the round table?
Sir Cumference.
Little Johnny walked into an ice cream shop and asked: "Do you have chocolate filled ice cream?"
The man replies: "We are out of that, sorry, we are almost out of every single flavor, do you want me to get you a vanilla filled one?"
Johnny replies: "Sure."
After that, the man asks for Johnny's phone and goes to back of the store. 5 minutes later, the man comes with an ice cream and Johnny's phone.
Johnny asks: "How much for the ice cream?"
The man replies: "Nothing, it's on the house."
After Johnny ate his delicious ice cream, he searched for his watch history. And then Johnny realized the flavor of the ice cream.
Hitler was a dic-tator.
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims because they went through 80 stories in 10 seconds. 😂