History jokes
How did the British lose the War of 1812?
They were out-Britshed.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
[pause] You said you’d never forget.
Who was the most successful transgender and transracial person in history?
Michael Jackson. He grew up a poor, black boy, and died a rich, white woman.
A note for my History Teacher:
Frick frack apple jack tic tac sick sack Mr. Khan and give him a big fat whack 'cause his teaching's got lack, his system I will hack and through the screen I'll give him a smack. I'll throw him on the clothing rack. On his seat I'll put thumb tacks, I'll break his momma's back... and he'll never come back.
How do you know America's bad at chess?
They lost 2 towers!
Memes
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.
What did the Nazi order from Wendy's?
Two number NEINs.
How do you kill a little boy?
You throw him between two Catholic priests.
What's the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it.
What's the difference between genocide and mass murder?
Genocide is racist.
My dad died in 9/11. He was such a good pilot.
Why did the plane cross the sky?
To hit the Twin Towers...
How many dead slaves does it take to change a lightbulb?
Apparently, more than 6, because my basement is still dark.
My uncle died in the 9/11 attacks. He was the best pilot I had ever met.
What’s the difference between Jesus and Maddie McCann?
One had the last supper.
How did we know Princess Diana had dandruff?
'Cause the police found her Head and Shoulders on the dash.
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
Do you know why the Royal family can no longer play Monopoly?
How do you think Princess Diana died?
...Too soon?
What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison one thing or another.
Which one of Lord Arthur's knights invented the round table?
Sir Cumference.