History jokes
Why does Hitler need glasses?
Because he could Nazi.
Hitler isn’t really a bad guy, after all, he did kill Hitler himself.
What did the terrorist think to himself seconds before hitting the tower?
"Did I leave the stove on?"
Why doesn’t Helen Keller go to the optometrist?
Because she’s dead.
Is it a bird, is it a plane?
No, it’s a 9/11 victim.
Memes
Here comes the sun Do Do Do Do
How did the British lose the War of 1812?
They were out-Britshed.
My grandpa died in 9/11. He crashed a plane.
Why did my dad cross the road?
To get to the nearest building so he wouldn't die in the crippling smoke of the most terrifying and only terrorist attack on American soil.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite holiday? 4th of July when they set off fireworks.
I wish they taught 9/11 at school.
It would make these jokes more explosive. 🧨
Someone at my school the other day said that whoever killed Hitler was a hero. Who's going to tell him?
What did the caveman say while seeing a reptile taking off?
Look at that dino-sour!
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...
Why are all Asians so skinny?
Because last time there was a fat man a whole population disappeared.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
[pause] You said you’d never forget.
A note for my History Teacher:
Frick frack apple jack tic tac sick sack Mr. Khan and give him a big fat whack 'cause his teaching's got lack, his system I will hack and through the screen I'll give him a smack. I'll throw him on the clothing rack. On his seat I'll put thumb tacks, I'll break his momma's back... and he'll never come back.
A Chinese drunk and a Jewish drunk are sitting together on a park bench.
After finishing his drink, the Jew takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Chinese drunk.
"What the hell was that for?" asks the Chinese man, rubbing his head.
"That was for Pearl Harbor!" replies the Jewish drunk.
"Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!" he exclaims in return.
"Eh, Chinese, Japanese, Korean... you're all the same to me," the Jewish man explains as he gets up to leave.
The next day, the two drunks are back on the same park bench. The Chinese drunk suddenly takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Jew.
"Why the hell did you do that?" the Jewish man stammers.
"That was for the Titanic!" explains the Chinese drunk.
"The Titanic? What are you talking about? No one attacked it, it sunk when it hit an iceberg!" the Jew replies.
"Eh, Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg... you're all the same to me," the Chinese drunk happily retorts.
How do you know America's bad at chess?
They lost 2 towers!
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.