History jokes
The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...
My grandfather lost his tongue during WW2.
He never talks about it.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"9/11."
"9/11 who?"
"You said you'd never forget!"
Why are all Asians so skinny?
Because last time there was a fat man a whole population disappeared.
Q: Why was 10 afraid?
A: Because he was always between 9/11.
What’s the difference between a Black man and a Jew?
One was born burnt.
Who was the most successful transgender and transracial person in history?
Michael Jackson. He grew up a poor, black boy, and died a rich, white woman.
Joe: What do the Leafs and the Titanic have in common?
Ben: I don't know.
Joe: They both look good until they hit the ice.
What is another name for 9/11?
A forbidden game of Jenga.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
[pause] You said you’d never forget.
I was at a train station and a woman ran up to me and asked, "Is this train running on time?" I said, "No, it runs on steam and coal."
Why are Americans bad chess players?
Because they lost two towers.
Why was the slave so happy? Because he got his master's degree.
A note for my History Teacher:
Frick frack apple jack tic tac sick sack Mr. Khan and give him a big fat whack 'cause his teaching's got lack, his system I will hack and through the screen I'll give him a smack. I'll throw him on the clothing rack. On his seat I'll put thumb tacks, I'll break his momma's back... and he'll never come back.
A Chinese drunk and a Jewish drunk are sitting together on a park bench.
After finishing his drink, the Jew takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Chinese drunk.
"What the hell was that for?" asks the Chinese man, rubbing his head.
"That was for Pearl Harbor!" replies the Jewish drunk.
"Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!" he exclaims in return.
"Eh, Chinese, Japanese, Korean... you're all the same to me," the Jewish man explains as he gets up to leave.
The next day, the two drunks are back on the same park bench. The Chinese drunk suddenly takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Jew.
"Why the hell did you do that?" the Jewish man stammers.
"That was for the Titanic!" explains the Chinese drunk.
"The Titanic? What are you talking about? No one attacked it, it sunk when it hit an iceberg!" the Jew replies.
"Eh, Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg... you're all the same to me," the Chinese drunk happily retorts.
How do you know America's bad at chess?
They lost 2 towers!
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.
Men built civilisations. Men went to the moon. Men invented the modern comforts of today’s society.
Women did none of those. They are useless, only fit to be baby making machines.
How do you kill a little boy?
You throw him between two Catholic priests.