History jokes
"Back To The Future"-Doc: You can time travel to anytime in HISTORY, Marty, but NEVER go to the year 2021.....
What do you call the original immigrants to the British Isles?
Anglosaxon.
The CCP have managed to achieve in making Covid last longer than the Great Wall of China.
Kid in 2021: I'm goated at hide and seek.
Anne Frank: I am the hide and seek champion of the world.
I woke up today, and my mom said it was 1940.
Hello people, my name is Osama.
I'm back from the dead and I want to blow you.
Ohh my god, it's a dinosaur with a huge ass mothafuckin' noseeee!!!!
Who were the fastest readers? 9/11 victims. They went through 95 stories in 10 seconds.
Who's the world's fastest reader?
9/11 victims. They went through 90 stories in 60 seconds.
History is mostly just a list of things men did while women were busy making sure they didn't die of scurvy.
You're so ugly that you made Hitler commit suicide.
What's the number one thing in an orphan's search history?
"How to find a family."
The people in the second tower, "I'm so glad that plane didn't hit our building!"
The second plane, 🗿🗿🗿
I have the superpower to predict the past.
How did Teddy Roosevelt swing all the ladies?
He spoke softly and carried a big stick.
What do you call a Titan who can't swim?
Titanic!
Imagine the Titanic with a lisp. It would be unthinkable. My version is imagine the Titanic with a lisp, it would be unsinkable.
What did the front half of the Titanic say to the other half when it hit the iceberg? I'm breaking up with you.
A young boy was talking to his friend about his family:
"My great-grandfather fought against Napoleon, my grandfather fought against the English, my father fought against the Americans, and my uncle against the Argentinians."
The friend replied: "It seems that your family can't get along with anybody!"
Hitler was a nazi.
It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.
I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them, but the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.
The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, “Shove it up your butt, if you laugh we kill you.” So, he shoves the peach up his butt and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native Americans kill him. They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, “I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?” The second guy says, “Oh yea, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”