List

List jokes

Shopping List

    • McNeill's mom wrote a shopping list for supper:

    cabbage _50

    Carrots-50

    Cooking fat -100

    Onions_20

    Tomato-20

    salt-10

    Total=250

    She gave McNeill the list to get the ingredients.

    McNeill took long to return home from the shopping.

    His mom decided to call McNeill to ask why are taking long. McNeill answered, "I have all the ingredients, but I'm looking for total."

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    • Song

    • I was in my car listening to my radio. Steve Winwood's song came on, "Just Roll With It, Baby." I said that must be one of Stephen Hawking's favorite songs; he sings it to his girlfriend.

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    • Class

    • I've got not much of anything to be honest.

    Been in special classes in school.

    Not liked by people.

    Only relationship I've ever had and she cheated on me.

    31 years old and never had sex, pathetic.

    Not very smart.

    Don't look good.

    Hate myself more than anything.

    Been a failure at everything in life.

    Probably be alone forever.

    People treat me like crap.

    Can't do anything right.

    And the list goes on and on.

    So the question is why haven't I killed myself yet? The answer is, I forget. I'm a extreme procrastinator, keep just putting it off because I'll probably just fuck it up anyway.

    List memes

    Adult

    • Why won't an American atheist convert to the religion of Islam in the city of Dearborn, Michigan?

    Because being on the sex offender list is the only requirement to be able to join a mosque in the city of Dearborn, Michigan.

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    • Ornament

    • To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.

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    • Patient

    • Imagine this scenario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "You have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc." and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.

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    • Sister

    • Gina: Maryen? Karlya? Amber? Kristie? Why isn't it listed that she's here?

    Zari: Your sister isn't listed in the meantime, just relax.

    Gina: That still doesn't answer why she's not listed. I want her to see me!

    Zari: Anyway, it will be time for your medications, we have the gixen and the Uiasends.

    Gina: Do you know my sister's name?

    Zari: Yes. Her name is Jalien.

    Gina: Fine, I don't care!!!

    Taco

    • Top 10 Cos:

    1. Disco 2. Flamenco 3. Fresco 4. Fiasco 5. Monaco 6. Tobacco 7. Bronco 8. Morocco 9. UNESCO 10. Taco

    Pexico? Not top 1000 in my honest book.

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    • Orphan

    • Why did orphans have to drink their own piss?

    Because last time they went to the bar, they went with their dad and drank some Corona, then got drunk and started eating someone's toenails, so his dad went to go get the milk and everybody had to evacuate the bar. Then the orphan started walking on his teeth and got listed for the top ten wanted animals in the world, so then he felt wanted and went to go home and had nobody to go to, so he found the beer bottle he drunk out of and started pissing in it so he wouldn't die and loved it. So then someone saw him in the bushes pissing in a beer bottle then drinking, so the person who saw him started recording and posted it on YouTube, and the boy became famous, so now he can feel like he was wanted in life after daddy went to go get the milk, then the little boy became really rich.

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    • Mother

    • Today, my mother was making breakfast. As she was tired, my brother asked if there was anything to do today.

    She responded with a list:

    - Take out the trash.

    - Clean your room.

    - Make lunch and be sure to butter the electrical sockets.

    That’s all sweetie!

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