History jokes
The Romans conquered Africa, they conquered Europe, they conquered Britain, then they stopped. They probably ran out of conkers.
Science flies you to the moon, while religion flies you into two towers.
9/11 was pretty great to me, it's just hilarious to watch people lose at Jenga.
Why is Hitler a hjhjfbfhf? Because he’s Hitler!
Why did the Titanic and the iceberg hate each other?
Because the Titanic hit it.
Memes
When you're going to Titanic: It's the best ship in the world.
When you know it's sinking: It's the poor ship!
Science gets you to the moon.
Religion flies you into buildings.
I went to a museum and saw clocks. The owner told me these were lying clocks.
"This is God's clock. It never moved because he never lied."
"This is your clock. It moved 3 times because you lied 3 times."
I asked where is President Trump's clock. He said it was at the equator, spinning super fast for those who were on fire. I laughed so hard because it was so true!
What do you call Hitler?
Gay.
Science took us to the moon, and religion took us into a skyscraper.
Julius's wife always stands behind him. Therefore, whenever he looks in the mirror, he sees her (Caesar).
Julius Caesar is Roman? More like romaine (salad), and to make the best salad, you stab it 23 times until the Caesar salad, romaine salad, is fresh.
Caesar went to the future only to see how the Romans forgot Julius Caesar but only made a salad... I think it would have been better if Caesar stayed dead.
Men, get into the kitchen and make me a sandwich!
Women, go chop some lumber!
White people, get back into the cotton fields!
"9/11 was just a really intense game of Jenga."
"Nahtzee"
What do you get when you cross a cat and a dinosaur? A cat-astrophe!
You know why Hitler wouldn’t drink whisky? Because it made him angry.
Why are Americans such good chess players?
Because they lost two towers.
What is big and stupid?
The Titanic.