History jokes

How do you punish Helen Keller? You stick a toilet plunger in the toilet.

Why can't Helen Keller have kids? It went up too far.

So, apparently, Hitler's dad was quite the abusive fellow, always beating his son.

Guess that's why he's called (Hit)ler.

He wasn't that bad.

Cow: *can't be milked for 20 years*

9/11:

When was the only time you could see people base jump without a parachute?

2001/9/11.

Why didn't Hitler's girlfriend like giving him a blowjob? It left a Nazi taste in her mouth...

The Nazis.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She wasn't wearing a seat belt.

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

You wanna know why the Titanic was split in half? The iceberg hit it from the front and back.

Why do Indians gamble so much? They are hoping to one day reclaim their land.

I was in social studies class and I was taking an exam and I couldn’t remember a lot of the information and everyone looked up shocked. A white kid holding a gun said, “You’re about to become history.” I almost forgot that we weren’t supposed to have any lessons that day.

What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson likes little boys.

How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?

Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!

America: I'm going to build a wall.

Nazi: Been there.

Soviet Union: Done that.

Americans are so fat that they named an atom bomb "Fat Man" to describe themselves.

How did Princess Diana cross the road?

Through the windshield!

I was voting for Trump in the 2016 election. It's been a while since the last presidential assassination...

Why did Hitler die? He got hit by 'ler'.

My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."