History jokes

Americans are so fat that they named an atom bomb "Fat Man" to describe themselves.

America: I'm going to build a wall.

Nazi: Been there.

Soviet Union: Done that.

An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."

How did Princess Diana cross the road?

Through the windshield!

I was voting for Trump in the 2016 election. It's been a while since the last presidential assassination...

Why did Hitler die? He got hit by 'ler'.

My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."

Is that a bird? Is that a plane? It's a plane!

Do you know how many women have been pope?

Nun.

9/11, 911, same thing.

How are genders different than the Twin Towers?

There are two genders.

My uncle died in 9/11. He was in the plane that crashed in the field.

I would make a 9/11 joke, but it just wouldn't land.

It would be fun, they said...

It was unsinkable, they said...

Why did Helen Keller have no ornaments on her Christmas tree?

'Cause she always dropped them.

School. School is a slavery joke and a Nazi joke combined.

Why is the wheel the best invention?

Because it's wheely wheely great!

I was going from Germany to Austria, and I accidentally crossed the border illegally. When the police caught me, they told me I was a Nazi. I asked them, "Why?" They said I didn't see the border.

Alvin and the Chipmunks commit war crimes.

Jesus can’t judge gay people, because he got nailed before he died.