History jokes
You could say ancient Egyptians and JDM car fans are alike--they both worship Datsun.
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: 9/11 victims. They went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
"Bippity Boppity Boop! Bill Cosby's coming for you!"
What do you call a prehistoric crow? Crow-Magnon.
What do royals and hot dogs have in common?
They're usually in bread.
Who are the fastest readers in the world? New Yorkers. They went through 110 stories in under 10 seconds.
Teacher: Tell me about the history of Tsar Nicholas (blah blah blah).
Student: How should I know, that's his story?
I loved the Twin Towers, it's a shame my dad didn't.
Did you know Yao Ming has the biggest penis in Chinese history? It measured in at nearly 5 inches!
What is the origin of the glory hole?
The origins can be found in San Francisco, California, where historians claim that a meat thermometer was sticking out of a hole from both sides, especially the divider between bathroom stalls inside the men's restroom used for an anonymous massage for gay men by gay men in San Francisco, CA, in the Wild West.
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."
TFW you're having sex with your German girlfriend and she won't stop telling you her age.
Why was 10 scared?
Because 9/11 came flying in.
What's the difference between you and Hitler? At least he knows how to use an oven.
How do you punish Helen Keller? You stick a toilet plunger in the toilet.
Why can't Helen Keller have kids? It went up too far.
So, apparently, Hitler's dad was quite the abusive fellow, always beating his son.
Guess that's why he's called (Hit)ler.
In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.
Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.
"Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.
His father pointed at a map of North America.
"Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.
The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.
"And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"
The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.
"Where is Germany again, Father?"
He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.
Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."
"Yes?"
"Has Hitler seen this map?"
Cow: *can't be milked for 20 years*
9/11:
He wasn't that bad.