History jokes
Interviewer: Hey JFK, what’s your favorite song by Jessie J?
JFK: I er ah Bang Bang.
They say Jesus walked on water.
That's nothing. Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.
What do you call a dinosaur with a butt?
A Butt-asaurus.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl urinate? Because walls.
So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common?
Once they're gone, they never come back.
What do you get when you mix Harry Houdini, a basketball, and the 17th president?
Magic Johnson.
Julius Caesar walks into a bar and orders a Martinus.
The bartender asks, "Don't you mean Martini?"
Julius Caesar says, "No, I only want one."
What is the difference between the Titanic and the Twin Towers?
They both went down.
Heard the Helen Keller single?
It’s called ERRRRRAGHHH!!!
Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country?
A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.
Why do Indians gamble so much? They are hoping to one day reclaim their land.
I speak for the trees.
*Trees whisper in my ear*
They said six million wasn't enough.
A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus. The bartender says, "Don't you mean a Martini?" The Roman then says, "Look, if I want a double, I'll ask for one."
What is the difference between Jesus and a painting?
It only takes 1 nail to hang a painting!
What do you call the longest reigning monarch?
The queen? No, she dead.
What did the salt say to the vinegar during the sweet and sour dynasty?
"STUPID VINIGGER!"
What's the difference between a toaster and a ten-year-old Chinese girl? A Japanese soldier would regret sticking his d*ck into a toaster.
Ever heard of the game T.T.2: 9/11? That game was bomb.
If they made a movie about your sex life, what would it be?
In Afghanistan, it would be "Twelve Years a Slave!" 🤣