History jokes

Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country?

A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.

A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus. The bartender says, "Don't you mean a Martini?" The Roman then says, "Look, if I want a double, I'll ask for one."

What do you call the longest reigning monarch?

The queen? No, she dead.

What did the salt say to the vinegar during the sweet and sour dynasty?

"STUPID VINIGGER!"

What is the difference between Jesus and a painting?

It only takes 1 nail to hang a painting!

Donald Trump and Fanta both have some things in common.

They are both orange and were conceived from Nazis!

What's the difference between a toaster and a ten-year-old Chinese girl? A Japanese soldier would regret sticking his d*ck into a toaster.

My uncle died on 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.

Ever heard of the game T.T.2: 9/11? That game was bomb.

Your hairline goes sooooo far back that dinosaurs exist on it.

Normally I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it’s two plane.

Why is America the fastest readers?

They went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.

Was your dad a pilot? Because I rate you a 9/11.

If they made a movie about your sex life, what would it be?

In Afghanistan, it would be "Twelve Years a Slave!" 🤣

Who’s more excited than a kid on his birthday?

Jimmy Savile in a primary school playground.

You could say Japanese car fans and ancient Egyptians are alike—they both worship Datsun.

What should you use to battle a T-Rex?

A dino-sword.

Yo Mama is so FAT, it wasn't an iceberg that sank it, she was called, "THE MAMABERG!"

TommyInnit said, "Long live the Queen." Look at where she's at now.

Did you know the Bible has a passage about killing babies by smashing them against rocks?

That's probably because microwaves hadn't been invented yet.