History jokes
So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"
Did y'all ever hear about the great thunder crash of September 11th?
Who are the fastest readers? The people who were in 9/11. They went through 91 stories in 1.2 seconds.
The view is so much better without those twins covering the city.
Well, that was a blow up!
What do you call a war dodo named Bob in WW2 and he came from Mars?
Bruno Mars.
It was a sunny day and I was in school. I had history lessons and we had a cool subject! The subject was about Penaldo, the man who statpadded against small teams and camped in the pen spot! Our teacher showed us a map with marked countries in which Penaldo dived like a dolphin!
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl urinate? Because walls.
Why is the UK bad at chess?
Because they have no queen.
I feel like the Twin Towers, I’m broken.
They say there is power in numbers.
Tell that to the people in the Twin Towers.
Q: What’s the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
A: You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,
but died on the cross.
Who are the fastest readers in history?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 10 seconds.
What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Why does Japan not allow little boys to run?
Because the last time a little boy came, Japan lost a state.
Bro never learned how to play Jenga. 🙄
Who would win?
The laws of the Catholic Church which have been effective for over 900 years,
Or one horny Henry?
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because chickens didn't exist then.
Julius Caesar walks into a bar and orders a Martinus.
The bartender asks, "Don't you mean Martini?"
Julius Caesar says, "No, I only want one."
What do you get when you mix Harry Houdini, a basketball, and the 17th president?
Magic Johnson.