Her jokes
I actually want peace, not war.
That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.
I went up the temp girl and slapped her tests and said-
"I like ya cut, G."
Yo mama so ugly, we all are trying to help her look better.
What do you call a white girl who can run faster than her brothers?
A redneck virgin.
I was in a bar in Italy. Me and a hot chick got along, so I asked her for her number. I remembered that there was a pen in my pocket, but when I searched, it was nowhere to be found. I turned back, then I saw Pessi running with it. Shame on you, Pessi, for ruining my night! 😭
Yo mama is so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.
Two natives sit in the bar getting shit-faced.
Almost closing time, "Brother, you gonna snag?"
"Yeah, I'm taking her home."
He walks over, she gathers her things. Walking out together, he takes her to his car outback. They stay messing around then start having sex. He starts to get carried away. He looks down at her. She looks up at him and says, "Slow down, cousin, you're going too fast..."
I did this to my ex. I stole her wheelchair. I knew she would come crawling back.
Why did Helen Keller have no ornaments on her Christmas tree?
'Cause she always dropped them.
Yo mama so fat, I have to take a train, 2 buses, and 3 airplanes to get on her good side.
Why did the orphan call her boyfriend "daddy"?
Because she wanted that D.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment!
One day, a chicken went to the nail store. He asked the "owner" where the shampoo was. "BRO IM NOT THE FRIKKIN MANAGER!" the guy said. So the duck walked away.
The next day he went back to the store and asked a pregnant lady why she was so fat. The lady punched him and ran away. The duck cried. Then he went to the lady's husband and said that he must be tired of being married since she punches people every day. The man punched him. The duck assumed they were the punching couple. The duck walked, and then fell in a ditch and stayed there to die. The pregnant lady and her husband were very pleased >:) muhahahahahahaha
I told this knock knock joke to Helen Keller...
Me: Knock Knock
Her:
One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.
She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.
Why didn’t Anne Frank just finish her diary?
Concentration problems.
My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?
A blonde walks into the doctor's office. She tells the doctor, "My boyfriend has dandruff."
The doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the doctor's phone rings. He answers, it's the blonde. The doctor asks how he can help her. "Well doctor, I understand head, but how do you 'hove' shoulders?"
Mom: Clean your room! Me: No, it’s my room, and I don’t want to clean it. Mom: You are nothing like Mrs. Smith’s daughter. Me: Well, I’m not Mrs. Smith’s daughter now, am I? You are the worst. Why are you trying to compare me with Mrs. Smith’s daughter? I’m not her, OK? I am not her, so stop! Mom: Do you know what? I pushed you out of my hula for 43 minutes! Do not make me hate you, because guess what? I brought you into the world, and I can take you out of it! Me: Bro.
My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."