Health jokes
A man awakes in a hospital and is confused. He decides to feel his legs, but to no avail.
"Doctor, doctor!" He cries out.
"What is it?" The doctor asks.
"I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor stands there for a moment - completely dumbfounded.
". . . That's because I amputated your arms."
So I made a simple cancer joke on Roblox with my friend, and then both her dumb-ass friends were like, "OMG WHY WOULD U SAY DAT? YOUR HORRIBLE!!" That pissed me off. Like damn woman, it's not like I said, "IF PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY DIED FROM CANCER THAT MEANS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE ALL DUMB-ASSES." If anything they are actually dumb asses but hey. Also they can't talk. They don't know that I'm abused everyday at home and pressured to get good grades or else I'd get my head bashed against a wall till there is blood. So if they are reading this, SUCK MY ASS BITCH.
What goes in and out and saves your life but is not sexual?
Diabetes.
Well, I was gonna make a joke about drunk people, but that would be good for the health.
What’s better than winning gold at the Paralympics?
Walking.
Why Cristiano Ronaldo loves oranges??
Because they contain vitamin suiiiii!
My friend: How are you running so fast? You just had 10 hamburgers!
Me: It’s the 10 hamburgers that are making me run fast!
Why do fat people like food?
The more the merrier.
An autistic kid.
What is the difference between me and a retard?
At least I have chromosomes.
My foot itches.
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth picks.
Your mom is so skinny, she eats Skinny Pop!
100% of blind people in Africa can't see. Together, we can stop this.
Have you ever met a kid who’s so fat that they can’t even be accepted to “My 600lb Life”? They need a higher-ranking one!
I talked to your doctor. He said you wasn’t going to make it because your stretch marks look like pieces of bacon.
Have you heard of the man who got all his left side chopped off?
He was all right.
Yo mama eats so much that she spends her whole life on the toilet.
Did you know some people don't put on masks because they wanna act like something? Some put masks on to show their depression and feeling.
I bet when you were born, the doctor looked away because of your virginity.