Health jokes
Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone?
Because she got hit by a bus.
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
Cancer?
Cancer
A mom and her two children were eating at a place while playing trivia when she asked what does AIDS stand for? Her son Dallyn has no idea, but her daughter Emberlee, who has always been a little odd, says, "An Intentional Disease." Her brother and mom just stared!
What did the blind, deaf, and dumb orphans get for Christmas?...
Cancer.
A man awakes in a hospital and is confused. He decides to feel his legs, but to no avail.
"Doctor, doctor!" He cries out.
"What is it?" The doctor asks.
"I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor stands there for a moment - completely dumbfounded.
". . . That's because I amputated your arms."
So I made a simple cancer joke on Roblox with my friend, and then both her dumb-ass friends were like, "OMG WHY WOULD U SAY DAT? YOUR HORRIBLE!!" That pissed me off. Like damn woman, it's not like I said, "IF PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY DIED FROM CANCER THAT MEANS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE ALL DUMB-ASSES." If anything they are actually dumb asses but hey. Also they can't talk. They don't know that I'm abused everyday at home and pressured to get good grades or else I'd get my head bashed against a wall till there is blood. So if they are reading this, SUCK MY ASS BITCH.
My friend: How are you running so fast? You just had 10 hamburgers!
Me: It’s the 10 hamburgers that are making me run fast!
Well, I was gonna make a joke about drunk people, but that would be good for the health.
How can a pimp save money in buying condoms for his stable?
Answer: Have his hoes wash and rinse them after every use.
It looks like your face was lit on fire and someone tried to extinguish it with a hammer!
Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?
Because your mother has diabetes.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rabid cow.
Rabid cow who?
Hold on, I need to get my gun...
Guess why Stephen died?? Because his wife forgot to put him on charge at night.
Have you ever met a kid who’s so fat that they can’t even be accepted to “My 600lb Life”? They need a higher-ranking one!
I talked to your doctor. He said you wasn’t going to make it because your stretch marks look like pieces of bacon.
Have you heard of the man who got all his left side chopped off?
He was all right.
What’s better than winning gold at the Paralympics?
Walking.
My dad said I need to eat more. I don't know why, but his fat ass needs to stop eating.
I bet when you were born, the doctor looked away because of your virginity.