Health jokes

Did you know some people don't put on masks because they wanna act like something? Some put masks on to show their depression and feeling.

Why did the banana go to the doctor?

Because it wasn’t peeling very well.

Yo mama eats so much that she spends her whole life on the toilet.

My dad said I need to eat more. I don't know why, but his fat ass needs to stop eating.

What do dentists call their x-rays?

Tooth picks.

Am I the only one here that actually tried to kill myself 15 times and failed every time and landed up in the hospital every time?

Bro, you teeth are so yellow that you can't brush your teeth.

What’s better than winning gold at the Paralympics?

Walking.

My friend: How are you running so fast? You just had 10 hamburgers!

Me: It’s the 10 hamburgers that are making me run fast!

Well, I was gonna make a joke about drunk people, but that would be good for the health.

A dyslexic guy walks into a bra!

Guess why Stephen died?? Because his wife forgot to put him on charge at night.

It looks like your face was lit on fire and someone tried to extinguish it with a hammer!

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Rabid cow.

Rabid cow who?

Hold on, I need to get my gun...

Have you ever met a kid who’s so fat that they can’t even be accepted to “My 600lb Life”? They need a higher-ranking one!

I talked to your doctor. He said you wasn’t going to make it because your stretch marks look like pieces of bacon.

Have you heard of the man who got all his left side chopped off?

He was all right.

Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?

Because your mother has diabetes.

Five little monkeys jumping on a bed, one fell off and bumped his head.

Mummy called the doctor and the doctor said, "I'm gay!"

My syndrome is down, but my hopes are up.