Health jokes
Bro, if you have anorexia, you have no skin at all.
Yo mama so fat that she should be worried for her health and go see a doctor.
Me and my cancer
Are like a game of Fortnite.
I’ll never win.
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
A man sees a woman. He falls in love with her. Little did he know she had AIDS.
Why did the butt let out a fart?
Answer: To wipe out humanity!
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome trying to beat Minecraft?
“A sped runner.”
What's the same thing between milk and a kid with cancer?
They both have an expiry date.
Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.
I would tell a scoliosis joke.
But that would be completely out of line.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.
My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path."
People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her, "Doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?" The doctor says, "My number."
A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.
So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."
Imagine this scenario: A doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses, diseases, etc. in the world but cooler like this: "Bumbumbum you have depression, diarrhea, and cancer,... etc."
And then the last one on the list is that he is deaf, and then the doctor shows the patient the list.
My therapist said time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
A lady sees a doctor about a tummy ache. After her check up, the Doctor said, “Looks like you’ll be needing nappies in about 9 months time.”
The lady asks, “Am I pregnant?” To which the Doctor replied, “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.
Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
Why is mercury like everything else in the world?
Because it gives you cancer.