Health jokes
Why did the skeleton eat tacos?
Because he was hungry.
My friends:
Maya: I only get 9 hours of sleep.
Josh: 9 hours? I get 7 hours of sleep.
Noah: You get 7? I get 4 hours of sleep.
Me: You guys are getting sleep...
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat the cancer.
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
Dolls have wigs made of mohair, cancer patients have wigs of no hair.
What do you call a person whose Lymphoma keeps recurring?
A Lymphomaniac.
What do you say to a magician with autism?
Are you "Autism-ic?"
The daughter milked her dad. It turns out it wasn't milk...
A man walked into a bar... He got seven stitches.
Your mum so fat she's diabetic... LOL
My dad and cancer go into a fight. I never saw my dad after that.
What's thick, long, hard, and has cum in it?
Cucumber. Lol. I love the way you think.
Why do cheetahs have spots? Chicken pox.
Your teeth are so yellow they slow down traffic.
White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?
Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!
How do you make epileptic kids dance?
Throw a flash bang in their room.
Corona be like:
Eliminating half the population of boomers faster than Thanos.
*snap*
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
What’s the most common name for cancer patients?
Luke (leukemia)