Health jokes
I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.
A man walked into a bar... He got seven stitches.
Male Patient: So I just pull my pants down and bend over for my prostate exam.
Doctor: Yup.
Male: Ok I'm ready....hey doc that doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: He he yeah...im not a doctor.
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?
The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!
Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.
Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:
1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps
I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?
"Cancer isn't real. It's probably special effects."
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
He: "Do you smoke after sex?" She: "I don't know. I've never looked."
Every hair zodiac has a hairstyle--except Cancer.
God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"
Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself…
A piece of cake.
My doctor told me I had Alzheimer’s.
I said to him, “I don’t remember asking.”
Yo mama so FAT... I tried to picture her in my head... AND SHE BROKE MY GOD DAMN NECK!
What do you call a hospital that's flooded with vegetable soup?
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Steve!"
"Steve who?"
Steve cries, aware that his grandmother's Alzheimer's has reached a point where she can no longer remember him.
White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?
Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!
Friend: I got bit.
Other friend: By what?
Friend: A dog.
Other friend: (Runs away and the next day you know everyone is wearing a mask and the friend gets expelled because of rabies.)
Why are people joking about this stuff?
What did the blind deaf kid get for Christmas? Cancer.