Health jokes
Why'd Sally drop her ice cream?
She was hit by a bus.
How come lepers don't play cards?
Well, if they lose a couple of hands...
What did the chocolate dentist say to the other chocolate dentist? Did you "chip" a tooth?
Where is the most dangerous place for a human being to be?
In the womb of a woman who wants to abort her unborn baby. 😢
I cannot believe no one's come up with a cure for anorexia yet. I thought it would be a piece of cake!
What are the four letters you don't want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
Man, cancer is so easy to beat. I'm already on stage 4.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, Here's hoping you do too.
My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.
When the doctor asks you what your zodiac sign is,
You respond: "cancer."
Doctor says: "Well, what a coincidence!"
"Cancer isn't real. It's probably special effects."
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.
Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”
My dad: You better wear flip-flops everywhere.
Suicidal son: Goes to crack alley.
What's the difference between Cain Dashiell and Down syndrome?
Nothing.
Why can't the blind man see? Because he can't see.
Just letting you know if people cry when they see you, that doesn't mean they miss you. That means they're scared of your onion breath.
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer? Cancer doesn't leave you.
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"
Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"
Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."