Health jokes
Doctor: I'm sorry, but you still have 10 seconds left.
Man: What?! What about my family?! My son is still missing! I can't just leave like that!
Doctor: Don't worry sir, I told your family.
Man: That's... great... if they found my son, tell them that I love him more than anything and I couldn't keep that promise.
The doctor watches the man closing his eyes while tears fell down from his eyes.
Doctor: I will... dad...
Tq for reading my crappy joke.
I have it.
What do you call a retard that got hit by a car? Mashed potatoes.
What's something the same about a depressed kid and a hanger? They both like to hang.
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sneaks candy in her fat rolls.
A father of five puts on a gas mask and a hazard suit and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked, "Dad, what are you wearing?"
The father answered with, "A costume for Halloween."
The child asked, "Can I join?" He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. After that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.
The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.
What happened when the American broke his arm?
He went broke.
Dolls have wigs made of mohair, cancer patients have wigs of no hair.
What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
What's thick, long, hard, and has cum in it?
Cucumber. Lol. I love the way you think.
When I walk to school, I fart.
If your girl smells like tilapia, don’t let her on top of ya.
Why did the skeleton eat tacos?
Because he was hungry.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm!
What is a lot?
Syphilis.
Her: "Land of the free".
Me: *fat*
Her: What do you mean?
Me: It's not fat-free.
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"
Yo mama so fat she can't walk for five seconds without sweating, causing a tsunami!