Health jokes
What has a kid with cancer and Peter Pan in common?
They will never grow up.
There was a doctor's room filled with 20 women, 4 kids, 15 men, and 1 dog. However, there were forty foreheads. How is this possible?
(They will think 44 heads, not 40 foreheads.)
Because there are 40 foreheads, not 44 heads.
Man 1: Dude, Viagra is for pussies. Real men don’t need Viagra.
Man 2: I thought Viagra was for dicks?
Guess what I got from my uncle this Christmas? Herpes.
Have you ever heard Stephen Hawking sing?
"Head, shoulders, wheels and frames, wheels and frames!"
What vibrates and is 6 inches?
A toothbrush.
How come the toilet paper could not make it across the road?
Because of the Corona Virus.
We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
How do you recover from prostate cancer surgery? It’s all Depends!
I bought some sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dyslexic.
Dyslexic who?
You.
So uh, I did this thing where I put soap on my brother's toothbrush, and then I put more on and colored it to make it look like toothpaste, and uh, he is constipated now. I AM EVIL :3
If the hairdresser is healthy, the cat is happy. *purr*.
On the other hand, if the hairdresser is sick, the cat is happy too. *purrs on the bed*
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
A quarter pounder with cheese.
Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
Like if you are scared of Covid-19.
How do you knockout an unorthodox blue tooth?
You get a good connection.
You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says, "To be continued."
A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down in the waiting room. When it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, "Well, I have good news and bad news." The woman says, "I'll hear the good news first please." The doctor replies, "The good news is we're naming a disease after you!"