Health jokes

Diabetic wives are like Cillit Bang. Squeeze them a bit and bang! The bed is gone.

The witch doctor came in my mouth last week. First hot meal I’ve had in weeks.

What did the cancer doctor say?

You just got a new Christmas present—cancer!

Person: "Sorry to bother you, but what's the quickest way to get to the hospital?"

Stranger: "Oh, just go stand in the middle of the road!"

I have no toes, so I put blood on my foot, and then my other foot got run over, so, ye.

This isn't a joke, but in some countries, children eat their shit for better digestion when constipated.

Q: Why was the potty sad?

A: Diarrhea

Why did the kid fall off the swing? He had no arms.

Q: What is the hardest part of a cabbage?

A: Wheelchair.

What type of implants are at a Chinese dentist office? Buck teeth implants.

On April 1st, there was a baby born in the hospital when the doctor, out of sudden, directly takes the baby from the mother and smashes as hard as he can to the wall.

The mother crying and yelling, "What did you do? You killed my Baby!! Why did you kill my Baby?"

The doctor just laughs and says, "April, April, it was already dead."

Hahaha

Do this on a calculator.

There was this girl who was (13) but she wanted to be (84) but she was (45) but the doctor said (0). He said take these tablets (2x) a day, but she took them (4x) a day, and she ended up boobless.

Someone said to me they like greasy food with gravy.

I said no wonder your forehead's so greasy.

Why do cheetahs have spots? Chicken pox.

Yo mama is so poor, she makes her own hand sanitizer.

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.

My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path."

People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.

If you swallow gum, it will make your poop bouncy.

Arden is so fat!

Why do people consume "Laxatives"?

Answer: So that they can take a "Shit", STUPID!

What do you call a white man that’s blind?

Asian eyes.