Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."
Boy: "What's that?"
Grandpa: "What's what?"
Why can't orphans go to the hospital? Because it is a family hospital. Sorry for the long break in between my jokes. I just had some family stuff, but I am back.
I don't think I'm allergic to this.
What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?
"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."
What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?
A chill pill.
Every zodiac sign has a different hairstyle except Cancer.
I looked up "I have whiplash" on WebMD, and it diagnosed me with slavery.
Getting hurt is a bone-breaking experience. It's such a spine-tingling event!
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!
What's the difference between sex and mental illness?
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.
Gay is a mental illness.
You're not thinking straight.
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?
Gingervitus.
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
