Health jokes
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
What do you call it when everyone of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.
Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.
What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?
A trip without kids.
The doctor told me I'm color blind...
Me: That's out of the purple!
Memes
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?
Non-buy dairy.
Don't break someone's heart. They only have one.
Break someone's bones. They have 206 of them.
How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?
Gingervitus.
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
What’s someone with AIDS' favorite Taylor Swift song?
"Baby, now we got bad blood."
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
If the hairdresser is healthy, the cat is happy. *purr*.
On the other hand, if the hairdresser is sick, the cat is happy too. *purrs on the bed*
If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!
A man walked into a bar... He got seven stitches.
My grief counselor died just the other day.
He was so good though, I didn't care.
Getting hurt is a bone-breaking experience. It's such a spine-tingling event!
My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.
We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!