Health jokes
A skeleton walks into a bar and said it takes "backbone" to mess with me, and if you try to insult me, I have thick skin.
You’re so lame, you don’t have a superpower!
"Yah, I do!"
Oh yeah? What is it?
"My diaphragm contracts and moves downwards into my chest cavity and my lungs expand!"
That’s breathing, Jim.
"NO IT’S NOT, JACOB, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!"
What's the difference between me and a depressed kid? At least I'm out of the grave.
Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?
They are more open-minded.
Like if I'm fine-ish.
...maybee
Why are you so white?
Because you have no lotion on.
Yo, Dad is so skinny, he doesn't work out enough.
What do you call a white man that’s blind?
Asian eyes.
What's breakdancing, twitching, and noisy?
A child with epilepsy.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
How did the rape victim on a diet lose 21 grams?
She died.
Me: I broke me bum.
Dad: Oh, that is bad. I will get some Pooh in the toilet so I can heal your bum.
What is Stephen Hawking's best side?
The left.
I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!
What is a fat boy's favorite karate move?
A pork chop.
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth pics!
Why can't people in Africa have medicine?
Because you cannot have pills on an empty stomach.
My mom and dad got home from a party pretty late. Why do I know? Because I was playing Minecraft all night.
Anyways, they get home and start fumbling up the stairs and being really loud. I could have swore I heard them fall down. I assumed they were drunk. I was just playing my Switch when they come into my room. Now I'm about 10 at the time so I watch them get undressed IN MY FUCKING BED! I then just stare at them as they notice me before I witness anything. They say that they were doing "intense kissing" the next morning. I believed that at the time, but now I've been to health class. I now know the truth. I wish I hadn't.
Lucky they're only balls, not real balls!
Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?
Me: I have depression, what do you think?!