Health jokes
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
My friend: How are you running so fast? You just had 10 hamburgers!
Me: It’s the 10 hamburgers that are making me run fast!
Which is more disabling, is it autism or Down syndrome?
Q: What do you call a person with Down's syndrome who smokes weed?
A: Baked potato.
Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"
An apple walked into the clinic.
The doctor asked what his favorite color was.
The apple said "red." :)
Fat people are thirsty, so I piss in their mouth.
What does the EPA issue when a person stinks up a room with their smelly farts?
Air quality alert code brown!
"Stand up for yourself! Oh, come on, walk it off."
What did the doctor say to the Chinese man?
"Some ting wong."
"Simon says touch your chin."
The fat people be like, "Which one?"
Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."
Why do people poop?
Because it we need to!
Two pencils walking down the street.
Which one hasn’t got AIDS?
The one with the rubber on.
People say your body is 75% water, while mine [is] 100% full of coffee.
What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"
What constellation has no hair at all?
Cancer.
My brother Taf likes to pee the bed.
What did the bird do when he ate the expired worm?
He flew up!
I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.