Health jokes
What was the winning play at the leper football game? A hand off up the middle.
When a girl was having an asthma attack, Ariana said, "Just keep breathing and breathing and breathin!!!!!"
Man 1: Dude, Viagra is for pussies. Real men don’t need Viagra.
Man 2: I thought Viagra was for dicks?
What do you get when you gobble down sweets?
The CCP should be pleased. COVID is the longest thing to have ever been made in China.
Guess why Stephen died?? Because his wife forgot to put him on charge at night.
One day in my class, we were having that good snack, and one of my classmates choked on a Cheerio. One small, single, Cheerio!
How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?
Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.
What should people do with their floppy dicks?
I give them a good wiggle waggle to raise awareness of something!
A disabled man stands up.
A blind man says, "You can stand?"
A deaf man says, "You can see?"
A mute person says, "You can hear?"
The disabled man says, "You can talk!"
Doctor: "What the actual f**k"
WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!
Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?
A few men have curved penises, but they can fix that problem by straightening it out.
What do you call an autistic daughter?
Sometimes I look at someone I hate and think, "I hope you get laid tonight."
By a tweaker with AIDS.
Tired kid with asthma: "It's hard to breathe."
Gym Teacher: "That's alright."
Other Kid: "Hush!"
Did you hear that Joe contracted Sugondese Ligma on his trip to Suggon, and now he won’t be able to make it to Saw Con?
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”
Patient: “OK.”
Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife!”
Q: What do you call a cat living with a vet? A: A dead, shrivelled up cat on her death bed that is attached to their owner.
Isn't It Purrfect!
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?!”
I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet!”, and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person, he didn't hear the joke.
Why did the doctor get mad?
Because he was losing his patients.