Health jokes
What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?
"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."
Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."
Boy: "What's that?"
Grandpa: "What's what?"
I don't think I'm allergic to this.
If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
Memes
Lete know in the comments
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
What do LGBTQ folk and folk with scoliosis have in common?
None of them are straight.
What do you call lesbian sex during their period?
A blood transfusion.
If the hairdresser is healthy, the cat is happy. *purr*.
On the other hand, if the hairdresser is sick, the cat is happy too. *purrs on the bed*
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
What's the difference between sex and mental illness?
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.
How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?
Gingervitus.
The doctor told me I'm color blind...
Me: That's out of the purple!
I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!
Don't break someone's heart. They only have one.
Break someone's bones. They have 206 of them.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.