Health jokes
I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
What do you get if you eat sugar?
High.
What do you call it when a rapper has a cold?
A sniff beat.
Imagine this scenario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "You have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc." and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.
VAPING IS ALSO BAD
Stephen Hawking didn’t die naturally, his carer just forgot to put him on charge.
I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... She died of hearing aids.
Q: You have problems, I think your disease is BOOFA.
Q: What boofa?
A: Boofa deez nuts in yo mouth!
What is the difference between me and a retard?
At least I have chromosomes.
Doctor: Congratulations!!!
Woman: Was it a successful delivery?
Doctor: No, it’s DiGiorno!
You're an orphan and blind. You have cancer. You will die in 3 days. Merry Xmas!
What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!
All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.
Them: What's on your arm?
Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)
Who is the blindest person in the world?
Q: Why doesn't a skeleton mother drink water?
A: Because it gives her more work!
What's the difference between my dad cumming and cancer?
Nothing, they both stain.
Therapists are rapists in disguise, because "the rapist".
Why did the dumb blonde pee inside the condom?
Because the doctor told the dumb blonde that the dumb blonde was going to get a urine test!
So, a mom and a dad take their son to a therapist.
“What seems to be the problem?” the therapist asked.
“Our son thinks he’s a refrigerator!” they said.
So the therapist replies, “Oh dear, that must be a problem.”
“Yeah, he sleeps with his mouth open, and the light is really bright.”