Health jokes
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.
I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?
Why did the monkey take his banana to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling good.
Your mum is so fat, she eats every meal from KFC, Maccas, Hungry Jacks all at once!
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
Shitpost-master general
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
Anthony Blinken's life sucks, and getting COVID-19 positive is the only positive thing that ever happened in his entire life!
Do you know what it takes to beat cancer?
Heartbeat.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair?
TIMMAHHHH!
A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.
The next day, he could see only one color... black.
What's the difference between anal and oral?
Oral makes your day whereas anal makes your whole weak.
What do you call a bunch of autistic kids in a box?
A toolbox.
What do you play Fallout 4 with low health?
You Fallout.
Why do you have to wipe yourself with toilet paper? Because bugs can crawl, eat your poop, and drink your pee!
Why is 2020 the worst year? Because COVID-19!
I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the Covid-19 patients to stay positive.
What's the most difficult thing about being a pediatric surgeon?
Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.
I am thinking of removing my spine.
It's only holding me back.
Doctor: Tomorrow is like John Cena, you won’t see it.
Q: Why do Skeletons hate the cold?
A: It sends chills up their spine.