Health jokes

A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.

The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."

Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.

Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.

How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?

Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.

What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?

Fast food.

You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.

Your teeth are so yellow they slow down traffic.

A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."

I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)

What is the only place fat people live?

Obi-city.

Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."

Boy: "What's that?"

Grandpa: "What's what?"

What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?

They're both hanging from a tree.

Every zodiac sign has a different hairstyle except Cancer.

Why did the orphan try to get hurt?

Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.

He looks around, no one is there.

Two cows are grazing in a field.

One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"

The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"

My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.

We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!

Why do orphans hate health ed at school?

Their parents can't opt them out of it.

What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?

Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

Why can't people in wheelchairs be gay? Cuz you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"

"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."