Health jokes
Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
Don't break someone's heart. They only have one.
Break someone's bones. They have 206 of them.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!
Memes
The doctor told me I'm color blind...
Me: That's out of the purple!
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.
Your teeth are so yellow they slow down traffic.
A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."
I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)
What is the only place fat people live?
Obi-city.
Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."
Boy: "What's that?"
Grandpa: "What's what?"
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
Every zodiac sign has a different hairstyle except Cancer.
Why did the orphan try to get hurt?
Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.
He looks around, no one is there.