Health jokes
I've been going to the dentist for a while now, I know the drill.
Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic.
Plus, she's too young to smoke.
If you feel a lump in your rice, you fucked up.
If you feel a lump in your skin, you have cancer.
A man walks in to the doctor.
He says, "Doctor, I need a new butt. Mine has a crack in it."
Doctor: How many times do I have to tell you!!!
If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.
If laughter is contagious, Kris's jokes are immunity.
Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma.
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd, 9th, and 15th letter of the alphabet.
Doctor: Oh, I see.
Me: Ahhhh!!!!!
What do you call onions and beans?
Tear gas.
Roses are red, My c0ck is blue, Oh shit, what happened to you?
I bet when you were born, the doctor looked away because of your virginity.
What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?
The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.
What do you call cancers? Loyal, protective, and caring.
My dad went for the milk, but he left his wheelchair.
Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.
Why did the pony have to gargle? Maybe because he was feeling a little hoarse.
Q) What is the ONLY zodiac sign ever to be surgically removed?
A) Cancer.
What is the only part of a vegetable you can’t eat?
The wheelchair.
Why did the chiropractor go to jail? For not paying $75 in back taxes.