Health jokes
I saw an advertisement for colored pens and how they write. They take a blue pen and write "blue," a yellow pen and write "yellow." I was inspired too.
I took a pen, filled it with my blood, and wrote "AIDS."
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?
Non-buy dairy.
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
Why do orphans hate health ed at school?
Their parents can't opt them out of it.
I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!
If the hairdresser is healthy, the cat is happy. *purr*.
On the other hand, if the hairdresser is sick, the cat is happy too. *purrs on the bed*
What do you call it when everyone of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.
The doctor told me I'm color blind...
Me: That's out of the purple!
Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.
What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?
A trip without kids.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
What’s someone with AIDS' favorite Taylor Swift song?
"Baby, now we got bad blood."
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
What is the only place fat people live?
Obi-city.
Your teeth are so yellow they slow down traffic.