Health jokes
I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨
What do LGBTQ folk and folk with scoliosis have in common?
None of them are straight.
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?
Gingervitus.
What’s someone with AIDS' favorite Taylor Swift song?
"Baby, now we got bad blood."
Memes
What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?
Non-buy dairy.
A man walked into a bar... He got seven stitches.
What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?
A trip without kids.
What do you call it when everyone of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.
Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
Don't break someone's heart. They only have one.
Break someone's bones. They have 206 of them.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!
The doctor told me I'm color blind...
Me: That's out of the purple!
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.
Your teeth are so yellow they slow down traffic.