Health jokes
A man walked into a bar... He got seven stitches.
What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?
A trip without kids.
What do you call it when everyone of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.
Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
Memes
Don't break someone's heart. They only have one.
Break someone's bones. They have 206 of them.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!
The doctor told me I'm color blind...
Me: That's out of the purple!
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.
Your teeth are so yellow they slow down traffic.
What is the only place fat people live?
Obi-city.
Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."
Boy: "What's that?"
Grandpa: "What's what?"
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
Every zodiac sign has a different hairstyle except Cancer.
Why did the orphan try to get hurt?
Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.
He looks around, no one is there.
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"