Health jokes
At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.
I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam. When he stuck it in, I started to squirm, so he held onto my shoulder.
I thought it was going well, until he grabbed my other shoulder as well.
You know how all zodiacs have hairstyles... well not Cancers.
What did COVID say to the American?
Nothing, it just took its breath away...
When you went to McDonald's and sat down, you were so fat, they said, "TBC."
me before summer
Post Malone was in the hospital, but he is BETTER NOW.
I think I'm colorblind. News came out of purple.
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
TDS? More like STDs.
Why is the orphan happy when he wakes up from a coma?
Because there is a family reunion.
Q. What do you call a hooker in a vegetative state? A. A thot incapable of thought.
Why didn't the doctor help the orphan?
Because he was a family doctor!
What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer... no stage 5.
"Yo mama so skinny when she swallowed a meatball, everyone thought she was pregnant again."
How does a hillbilly mother know when her daughter is on her period? Her son’s dick tastes like blood.
I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."
My brother said, "You want a cookie?"
Dentist said I grind in my sleep... he a real one for that.
Where do you bring a canoe that doesn’t feel good?... The boat dock.
Why is Hugh's mum so fucking fat?
Because she ate the 34 other kids she had but now only has 6,789.
I met a talking lizard. The doctor told me he had ereptile dysfunction! 🦎