Health jokes
What time is it when you walk walk? Time to trip and fall!
My mother said I'm sexy. I said no, I have cancer.
Why did the bee go to the doctors?
Answer: Because he had hives.
Why did the skeleton not go to prom?
Because he had no body to go with.
I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.
What do you call a basketball player with erectile dysfunction?
Tragic Johnson.
Why aren't Down's syndrome jokes funny?
Because the format of them is ugly.
Why did the loo 🚽 roll roll down the stairs? To get to the bottom.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
"You is so black your mama fainted."
I wasn't going to have a brain transplant...
But then I changed my mind.
A genealogist looks at the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!
So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.
So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"
Wanna hear a joke about Alzheimer's? Wanna hear a joke about Alzheimer's? Wanna hear a joke about Alzheimer's?
Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.
I have a friend who recently stopped smoking, and the withdrawal was causing hallucination. He went to my house and thought there was a shark in the pond in my backyard. So, I would like to dedicate these lyrics to my friend: "I see a dreamer over there by the water!"
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Everything is black, I can't see, can you?
Why are kids so skinny?
Parents eat all the food themselves, and let the kids starve.
Why did Daveon go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling "Daveon" in the dumps.
Yo mama so dumb, she studied for a COVID test.
I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... She died of hearing aids.