Health jokes
I was in a wheelchair for a few weeks last month.
I went through a super traumatic experience, and I *wheely* hope I made a good *roll* model!
What do you call a retard that got hit by a car? Mashed potatoes.
For sale: Wheelchair, one careful owner, no longer needed.
What do squats eat? Numbers.
I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his ass.
Why did the cucumber go to the doctor? Because he wasn't peeling well!
If you're feeling numb, use your thumb.
Why can't an orphan get a vaccine?
They need parental permission.
Heyyy, in the last six months, [I had] 4 suicide attempts, broke up with 3 girls, and my mom went on drugs.
I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.
What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
Whoever stole my anti-depression medications, I hope you're happy!
It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm!
What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
Yo mama so fat she can't walk for five seconds without sweating, causing a tsunami!
The companies that made the hand gel sanitizer must be absolutely rubbing their hands together!
Her: "Land of the free".
Me: *fat*
Her: What do you mean?
Me: It's not fat-free.