Health jokes
How do you help a rape victim on a diet lose 7 pounds?
Kill her afterwards.
How does the skeleton call his friends? With a tele-bone.
For a while, lead was used in pencils, but... we realised that it might not have been the smartest idea because it lead (badoom ching) to some people getting lead poisoning.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Covid.
Covid who?
The thing that killed half a billion people!
Robert doesn’t see people, the man just sees meals.
Why do Mexicans take Xanax?
Because they’re Hispanic attacks.
Sippin' on promethazine With lean, I fell in love.
I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup.
How do you get a depressed person to jump?
Put them on a bridge.
You're so skinny you never gain weight. You're so skinny you're a thin stick.
Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.
One day in my class, we were having that good snack, and one of my classmates choked on a Cheerio. One small, single, Cheerio!
When a girl was having an asthma attack, Ariana said, "Just keep breathing and breathing and breathin!!!!!"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Natyourcheese.
Natyourcheese who?
Natyourcheese, I wasn't gonna say bless you!
Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.
Friend: Ur sister after you were born. 😭
Me: Ur brother after chemotherapy. 😵
How do the Powerpuff Girls vape?
They take a "power puff."
What do you call an Irish person having a seizure? A Shamrock Shake.
Q. What do rapists fear more than rabies?
A. Rape babies.
What do you call an inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
Roses are red, violets are blue, by the way, I have the flu!