Health jokes
I have a friend who recently stopped smoking, and the withdrawal was causing hallucination. He went to my house and thought there was a shark in the pond in my backyard. So, I would like to dedicate these lyrics to my friend: "I see a dreamer over there by the water!"
Two lepers meet on the street.
First says "How are you doing?"
Second says "Mustn't crumble!"
What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.
Yo mama so fat, her birth certificate was an apology letter.
A man walks into a bar.
He had to have 13 stitches!
Random post #2
I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.
A "type person" is addicted to eating sugar.
When the doctor saw this, he said,
"From Type 2 Diabetes!"
Get it?
I should probably stop making jokes about bulimia. They just leave a bad taste in my mouth.
Why was the tamale in the hospital? Because he was a "tamalito."
When you breathe.
Period: Guess who’s back... back again...
Me: Ugh, can we not do this today?
Period: I can come back in 9 months?
Me: Keep fucking singing.
After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"
The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.
"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.
The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"
"ADHD is brainless and autism is braindead."
If laughter is contagious, LEO is immune.
What do you call it when someone fucks shoe inserts?
Orthopediphilia.
Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off?
He's all right now.
What do you do to a pregnant lady on a step?
Push 'em.
Jada Smith: Grow some balls!
Me: Grow some hair!
What do you call a ruptured Chinese man?
One Hung Lo.
When a pregnant lady gives birth, it looks like she is having an erection.