Health jokes
What do you get if you do not eat? Dry.
Hey, how ya doin'?
Well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm DEAD inside.
Don't tell me "it's gonna be alright," I've tried, but I can't fight like this.
Hey how ya doin', I'm tired but I'm trying to fight.
How does a woman scare their gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
What part of a vegetable is the hardest to eat?
The wheelchair.
What do fish smoke? A puffer.
A penis is driving a car when all of a sudden it gets hit by a car, what did the penis end up saying?
Aaaawwwww I got dicklash!
I have OCD and ADD, so everything had to be perfect...but not for long.
Yo momma so fat, when she went for a health consultation, the doc told her to make do with health insurance.
You're so fat you probably apply sunscreen with a paint roller.
What do you call a rapper who’s also a DOCTOR?
MC Healer.
Taking you to go grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
Why do women get periods?
Just cancel the subscription.
Q' What's an Alzheimer's victim's favorite type of comedy?
A. I forget.
A disabled man stands up.
A blind man says, "You can stand?"
A deaf man says, "You can see?"
A mute person says, "You can hear?"
The disabled man says, "You can talk!"
Doctor: "What the actual f**k"
What do you call a flooded hospital?
Vegetable soup.
A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.
Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? The front desk always asks, “Where are your parents?”
And the winner of the Tour de France is awarded, as ever, with the yellow jersey.
To remind him what color his piss is meant to be.
What do you get when you gobble down sweets?
There are 6 kinds of vitamins. Wanna know how the 6th vitamin was made? Just ask the Ku Klux Klan, they will tell you.