Health jokes
ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hey Donut.
Yo mama's so stupid, she took a Covid test and got an F.
What is it called when a depressed person gets a stroke?
A stroke of luck :)
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
Q. What do you call a person with Alzheimer's?
It doesn't matter. They'll forget what you said in thirty seconds anyway.
What's the difference between sex and mental illness?
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.
What’s the best part about stage four cancer?
There’s no stage five.
I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”
And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.
What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.
I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning.
What's the best way to remove gum from hair?
Cancer.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."
I said, "You wanna bet?"
Bam, a gunshot!
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
Chuck Norris doesn't get sun burns. The sun knows better.
Why did the computer go to the doctor?
Because it had a virus.
Why did the heterosexual woman try to put a mask 😷 on her pussy? She wanted to protect herself from covid, but she did try to put a mask 😷 on her dildo, but the mask 😷 keep falling off the dildo.
What’s the most expensive haircut?
Chemotherapy.
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
Why are obese jokes so offensive?
Because fat people have enough on their plate.