Health jokes
Knock knock. Who’s there? Mimi. Mimi who? Mimi’s got cancer.
One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes.
The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.
What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast.
Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.
Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?
Because your mother has diabetes.
Why do kids with cancer hate their birthday? They don't know if they'll be alive to see it.
Your mom is so fat that she only knows three letters, which are "KFC."
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired.
I'm black, and I have a dying family in my basement that hasn't eaten in 2 weeks. They need help.
Btw, it's a joke lol.
Yesterday a woman stabbed me, so I stabbed her back. Then I realized she was the vaccine woman.
My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it! 😌
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
Yo mama is so fat, she gave a memory foam mattress Alzheimer's.
What do you give the dentist of the year? A little plaque.
What’s the hardest part about making vegetable soup?
To put the wheelchair in the pot.
Your mom is so fat, she starts with the letter O in the alphabet because O.B.C.D. (Obesity).
You're so bad at games, bro, they gave you AIDS before losing! 😹
That one teacher that flips on and off the light switch to get the students' attention... that one kid with epilepsy...
What do you call a Fuhrer who's also a fitness coach?
Adolf Fit-ler.