Health jokes
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when you leave?
"Thanks for coming. Hope you come again soon."
A: What did the podiatrist say to the double amputee?
Q: Sorry, but I can't help you.
Fella walks past a mental hospital; they're all out in the garden behind this big fence, all shouting "13, 13, 13, 13," etc., over and over again.
This fella is intrigued, sees a little hole in the fence, looks through it... gets fucking poked straight in the eye!
Then they all start singing, "14, 14, 14, 14, 14, 14!"
When it's NNN but you have a peanut allergy: 🥳
I know a little girl who once had an accident. When I asked her what her favorite song was, she responded with "🎶Head, shoulders, wheels, and frame! Wheels and frame!🎶"
So there’s this air purifier in my room, right? It’s really noisy, so I unplugged it to sleep better, and sure enough, I fell asleep faster. So I came to the conclusion: if I unplug noisy machines, people will sleep better.
It worked really well in my local hospital.
A guy with AIDS went into the doctor's room unusually happy. You could even say he was HIV positive.
One random YouTube comment in 2018: "Soon, a virus will come to Earth."
A year later: "Pahahahahah that comment is fake lmaoooo ahahahha!"
Another year later: "Time to die a painful death."
Another year later: "God has come with the cure!"
One day a skeleton never worked. Everyone called him lazybones.
Yo momma's so fat that she got married to diabetes!
A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
Why did the vampire go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
What do you call a Downey with glasses?
No, me neither.
It looks like your face was lit on fire and someone tried to extinguish it with a hammer!
I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
A skeleton walks into the hospital and said: "Doctor, Doctor, I broke my leg!" The doctor said: "I see..."
Why shouldn't you make fun of burn victims?
Because they've already been roasted!
A Thai woman ran into a wall. What does she break?
Her boner.
Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.