Health jokes

I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning.

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?

She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!

My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."

I said, "You wanna bet?"

Bam, a gunshot!

Chuck Norris doesn't get sun burns. The sun knows better.

What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?

They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

All zodiac signs have their hairstyles. Except cancer.

Why did the computer go to the doctor?

Because it had a virus.

Why did the heterosexual woman try to put a mask 😷 on her pussy? She wanted to protect herself from covid, but she did try to put a mask 😷 on her dildo, but the mask 😷 keep falling off the dildo.

What’s the most expensive haircut?

Chemotherapy.

Why is there air conditioning in hospitals? To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.

When my grandpa was 65, he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.

He's 70 now, and we have no idea where he is.

Are you corona? Cuz it’s hard to breathe around you ;)

My therapist told me, "Time to heal all wounds," so I shot him in the nuts.

Now we wait...

Dark humor is like cancer; it's funnier when kids get it.

My brother caught Covid last month.

First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"

I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."

What game hurts you the more stages you survive?

Cancer.

An old lady was low on money because she had spent all of her money on clothes.

So she decided to go to the bank. She walked up to the guy at the desk. She asked if he could check her balance. He asked a few questions to the old lady, like her weight and her height. He asked her if she had done any exercise recently. She was very confused. She got angry and asked the man again to check her balance. So he stood up, walked next to her and pushed her over. He came to the conclusion that she had a low balance.

What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.

If laughter is the best medicine, shouldn't we go up to disabled people and laugh at them?