Health jokes
What do you call an ear that's dead? Deaf. Hahaha! Oh wait...
I wake up in the morning and I suck my teeth.
For Stephen Hawking, why is being drunk and having his power shut out the same?
He blacks out.
What was the epileptic chef’s house special?
Seizure salad.
What's harder than taking a shit?
Trying to take a shit while constipated!
Memes
What’s red, nine inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry every time she sees it?
Her abortion.
What do most disabled people eat?
Their arm.
What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?
Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.
Dad: She had to take the deep penis.
Son: Umm...... WHAT!?
Dad: I had to inject her with and EPIC PENIS.
Dad: Oh, for God's sakes.
Dad: Epi Pen.
What's the hardest part of eating vegetables?
The wheelchair.
What has a kid with cancer and Peter Pan in common?
They will never grow up.
Hi, what's your name?
I don't know, I'm disabled.
My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Why did the wheels not move on his wheelchair?
Because he had no legs.
I didn’t eat breakfast because I’m starving myself.
I'm hertophobic.
It means I'm allergic to straights.
What is 1 + 1?
They didn’t tell me. Their stomach is upset.
Roses are black, violets are black.
I’m colorblind.
I wish I was blind.
Why did the tamale go to the hospital?
because estava malito :)