Health jokes
Which one gets bullied the most, autism, Down syndrome, or ADHD?
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
What do you call a ruptured Chinese man?
One Hung Lo.
Keep rolling your eyes, maybe you'll find a brain back there.
kayla?
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
Knock knock. Who's there? Oswald. Oswald who? Oswald my Halloween candy and now it's stuck in my throat!
Why did the gym close?
It's because it just never worked out.
What do you call a Jamaican proctologist?
Pokémon!
I have a big bag of Doritos in the kitchen. It's only for people who are skinny, but the fat people can't have any. All they do is suck it up like a lollipop.
Make a wish kid: I want to meet Mac Miller.
Make a wish staff: You will soon, chief.
If you have cancer, you are gay.
I have more respect for cancer than depression, because cancer has the balls to kill me himself.
I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.
Anthony Blinken's life sucks, and getting COVID-19 positive is the only positive thing that ever happened in his entire life!
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome trying to beat Minecraft?
“A sped runner.”
After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”
The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”
Why are fat people fat? Because they eat like Indians eating curry, except fat people eat many more portions.
Doctor: Tomorrow is like John Cena, you won’t see it.
You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.