Health jokes
"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.
A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.
Wee dyslexic boy and girl in class.
Wee boy says, "Can you smell gas?"
Wee girl replies, "I canny even smell my name!"
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
I slit my wrists.
Why did the fish go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling “eel.”
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
What do you call a skeleton with no arms? An un-armed skeleton.
Our family is known for unusually sloppy diarrhea.
It runs in our jeans.
How can you tell if a Polish woman is on the rag? One of her socks is missing!
What danger does this put them in? Toxic Sock Syndrome!
I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!
Why are there blind people? Because there is.
What did the skeleton say when he fell on his funny bone? He laughed!
Grandma, I can’t believe I have Alzheimer’s.
One second later, Well at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s.
I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom, I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that!
Did you hear about the dyslexic man who walked into a bra?
What's the best thing about Covid-19? It gets into any kid.
When you breathe.
Why do you never see gay people in wheelchairs?
You can’t be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
Fella walks past a mental hospital; they're all out in the garden behind this big fence, all shouting "13, 13, 13, 13," etc., over and over again.
This fella is intrigued, sees a little hole in the fence, looks through it... gets fucking poked straight in the eye!
Then they all start singing, "14, 14, 14, 14, 14, 14!"