Health jokes
Why did the orange stop? Because it ran out of juice.
My mama always told me, don't pick your nose or it will fall off! I thought she meant my nose.
Hey, give me a break! I'm a little shorthanded!
Oh no, not rock paper scissors again! I always lose. Come on guys, I just lost my finger a day ago! This is Tony, later on.
When you're exercising and you feel the “gush.”
I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.
What do you call it when a rapper has a cold?
A sniff beat.
What would you do if you see a guy suffocating from the heat? I would call and dial 911, holy shit!
Canada has free health care, here is a link to some Canada Facts! https://www.1stcontact.com/blog/20-interesting-facts-about-canada
You're so fat, you went on a scale and it said, "One at a time."
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
How do you flatten curves?
With an abortion.
I got shot once. Now I'm holey.
What do you call a disabled kid who is blind?
A grape chilli bean.
I used to have a phobia of pogo sticks. Those things always made me jump.
What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?
Mashed potatoes.
There's a new bird disease, it's called churpies.
It's a canariel disease, untweetable.
What did the Army soldier say after he got his legs fixed?
Afgan-I-Stand.
Police officers hope you’re a criminal.
Doctors hope you get sick.
Mechanics hope you get car troubles.
But only thieves wish you prosperity.
Weird?
I gave up hope and I liked it!!
I take meds to feel fantastic! (I kissed a boy{but fed up lyrics})
All countries will get Covid.
Except China, they got it right off the bat.
A man awakes in a hospital and is confused. He decides to feel his legs, but to no avail. "Doctor, doctor!" He cries out. "What is it?" The doctor asks. "I can't feel my legs!" The doctor stands there for a moment - completely dumbfounded. ". . . That's because I amputated your arms."