Health Jokes

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning

I told a diabetic girl to have sweet dreams...

she died the next morning

It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer

So i went to the doctors and the doctor said "Pick a star sign any star sign" So i said "Aquarius" And the doctor said "nah mate you've got cancer"

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades

Tombstone engraving: I TOLD you I was sick!

If stephen hawking has a heart attack do u take him to halfords or a&e

Lol making jokes about cancer makes me feel better as a person that had cancer, it’s great

Person: 'Doctor, doctor I've only got 50 seconds to live'

Doctor: 'Just give me a minute'

For all the people with Covid-19 i just want to say... Stay positive

When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path. Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.

while undressing a woman, she told me she has aids, i told her she cant catch it twice but she still kept screaming

Patient to doctor: "Will I be ok, Doc?" Doctor: "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now." Patient: "I don't do that astrology stuff." Doctor: "Nor me. My thermometer just broke."

Male Patient: So I just pull my pants down and bend over for my prostate exam

Doctor: Yup

Male: Ok I'm ready....hey doc that doesn't feel like a finger

Doctor: He he yeah...im not a doctor

So skinny you have to run around in the shower to get wet

They say that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. Wanna fight? 👅💦

I was talking to my welsh friend the other day and he suddenly started talking welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke