Health jokes
Robert Smith walks into a hospital. The nurse says, "We have the cure!"
Yo mama so fat that when he was talking to a man, her bowels fell out.
Q: What is the most expensive haircut? A: Chemo therapy.
I think the pollen count is a difficult job. Especially if you have hay fever.
My wife is so ugly when she was born, the doctor said, "I did everything I could, but she pulled through anyways." When she was born, the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in, said, "Not done." The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said, "Twins!" He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the afterbirth.
Which is more disabling, is it autism or Down syndrome?
What is red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
Baal jharne ke upay?
Guy goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "You look run down." The guy says, "No, I've come on my bike!"
What is an unborn baby's Olympic sport?
Dodge the coat hanger.
So if I drink alcohol, you're an alcoholic. But if I drink Fanta, I’m fantastic.
Doctor, Doctor, I discovered one of the base pairs in my genetic code is erroneously a stop codon?
Nonsense! That shouldn't be happening!
What did Lucy say when she saw her sonogram?
"Looks like a rerun."
"Being broke is a disease, stay the fuck away from me."
Why is there no medication in Africa?
Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."
Looking at me is like being on your phone, in a car, on a long trip. You're fine for the first 10 minutes, then after that you feel sick.
What do you do to a pregnant lady on a step?
Push 'em.
Spinach
Vaseline
Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.