Health Jokes

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades

Tombstone engraving: I TOLD you I was sick!

If stephen hawking has a heart attack do u take him to halfords or a&e

Lol making jokes about cancer makes me feel better as a person that had cancer, it’s great

Person: 'Doctor, doctor I've only got 50 seconds to live'

Doctor: 'Just give me a minute'

For all the people with Covid-19 i just want to say... Stay positive

When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path. Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.

Patient to doctor: "Will I be ok, Doc?" Doctor: "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now." Patient: "I don't do that astrology stuff." Doctor: "Nor me. My thermometer just broke."

What did Melania ever see in Donald Trump?

$2 billion and high cholesterol.

If only they had more mosquito nets in Africa we could prevent millions of mosquitos dying needlessly of AIDS...

Male Patient: So I just pull my pants down and bend over for my prostate exam

Doctor: Yup

Male: Ok I'm ready....hey doc that doesn't feel like a finger

Doctor: He he yeah...im not a doctor

while undressing a woman, she told me she has aids, i told her she cant catch it twice but she still kept screaming

So skinny you have to run around in the shower to get wet

I was talking to my welsh friend the other day and he suddenly started talking welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke

What do u call a 3 sum with a girl with aids?

Nut in the butt

An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.

if you throw it hard enough.

I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother carl. he got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. when we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. it was pretty cholerious.