Health jokes
Why did the heterosexual man put a mask on his cock to protect himself from COVID? Silly boy.
What's the only part of a vegetable you cannot eat?
Wheelchair.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”
She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her, "Doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?" The doctor says, "My number."
I would tell a scoliosis joke.
But that would be completely out of line.
Why don’t oranges 🍊 go around blind?
Because they take Vitamin See!
New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.
What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce field?
Seizure salad.
Unlike my syndrome, I keep my chin up. 🙌🏽😁
What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.
What did Freddie Mercury use to improve his hearing?
Hearing AIDS.
A depressed guy walks into a bar and says, "Can I get shot?"
The bartender then says, "You mean, can you get a shot, right?"
The bartender then says, "Well... what drink would you like?"
The depressed guy then responds with, "No, I really want to get shot."
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off?
Well, he’s all right now!
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.
You're so ugly the whole world faked a virus just so you could wear a mask.
I told a diabetic girl to have sweet dreams...
she died the next morning.