ahem.. if somebody you dont like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this
Hello thank you for choosing mamas pizzeria/ abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce how may i help you?
or
hello this is davids orphanage you make them we take them how may i help you?
some people reactions are priceless and then the wonder about you mental health
I went for my routine check up last week and everything was going great until the doctor stuck her finger up my butt. Should I look for a new dentist?
My dad and cancer go into a fight never saw my dad after that
The doctor and said he had good news and bad news. The Good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is I forgot to call you yesterday.
Doctor , Doctor, I feel like a pair of Curtains ! what 's wrong with me! calm down calm down Just pull yourself together
My friend said why do you have depression there is so much happiness in the world and I said why do you have asma there is so much air in the world
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving.
IDK
Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of anti-bodies.
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
You have to have real balls to face prostate cancer.
Just not for long!
Mother: How is my little cookie 🍪 doing?
Doctor 👩⚕️: Your cookie 🍪 is feeling crummy right now.
Mother: Really?
Doctor 👩⚕️: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.
Mother: 😁♥️🍪
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
WHEN DID I RELIZE COVID WAS SERIOUS
WHEN I SAW UR TEETH SOCAIL DISTANCING
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today. Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow? Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you. Orphan: Why? Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
what makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man? " they can move it move . ( from king julian)
Technoblade should have drank milk, would have gotten rid of all his status effects!
A friend called me a while back say "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing". I reply saying " Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes".
Breaking news man with altiemers forgets he’s blind and recovers form visual impairment
My bother apparently has this thing called "asthma", anyways I took his vape away today and he was lying on the floor gasping for air lol. He must really be addicted to it.
