What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?
Mashed potatoes.
Two cows are out grazing in the field. One cow says to the other cow, "Aren't you worried about this mad cow disease that's been going around?" The other cow replied, "Why would I be worried about mad cow disease? I'm a rabbit!"
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
Chuck Norris doesn't need to be vaccinated. Vaccines need to be Chuck Norrised.
Why did the heterosexual woman try to put a mask đˇ on her pussy? She wanted to protect herself from covid, but she did try to put a mask đˇ on her dildo, but the mask đˇ keep falling off the dildo.
9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.
Book on Michael Jackson: Issued black; returned white.
What's red and blue and runs up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.
My friendâs mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.
Upon learning about her daughterâs cancer diagnosis she said, âWell honey, at least youâll lose some weight!â
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are always up.
What do you call a cow with no toes?
Lac-toes intolerant.
What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize itâs half empty.
Yo mama's so stupid, she took a Covid test and got an F.
What is it called when a depressed person gets a stroke?
A stroke of luck :)
What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
