Health jokes
What did the old chimney say to the young chimney?
"You're too young to smoke!"
That's not even a bad joke-
What do you call a rapper who’s also a DOCTOR?
MC Healer.
Your hairline goes so far back you have to wear sunscreen.
One day I visited my friend in a hospital.
I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"
Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.
What did the horse say when his throat was sore?
I have a hoarse throat!
I know a little girl who once had an accident. When I asked her what her favorite song was, she responded with "🎶Head, shoulders, wheels, and frame! Wheels and frame!🎶"
Would you rather eat a girl out who has: herpes, COVID, and AIDS while she is on her period?
Or eat live worms, bats, and mice?
Attention to everyone, I'm not going to be on for 2 weeks because I was in a bike accident, or more like a motorcycle accident. I was ran off the road when my 16 year old brother was taking me for a ride. Now I can't use my legs cause, well, you know. I will be taking a break because I don't want to move my legs that much.
How does a hillbilly mother know when her daughter is on her period? Her son’s dick tastes like blood.
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when you leave?
"Thanks for coming. Hope you come again soon."
Your mama is so stupid, she made an appointment with Dr. Pepper.
True story: In 1986, in the midst of the HIV epidemic, they made condoms available to the public. At that time, me and my boyfriend were 13 years old. My boyfriend was so happy: "These will make great water balloons!" And I was even happier. I did not have to pack a lunch for school tomorrow, lol.
Your mom is the biggest tosser on the planet, yeah, you heard right.
I don't have to strain myself a blood vessel and be wankin' solo anymore; she saved me a whole load of arthritis.
My joke is your life support getting unplugged because my phone is about to die.
When someone calls you, say "Welcome to Joe's Pizza Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce."
Why do people never kick their own balls?
Because they might lose one!
What is a good night sleep? I love it when you walk home and walk home from school and walk home and walk home from home and walk home and get a good night walk and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from...
Doctor: I have bad news.
Man: What?
Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.
Man: Oh, no...
Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!
Yo mama so vegetarian that she loves the Vegan Teacher!
When you wear a big hat and your butt starts to splat diarrhea!