Doctor: You're as healthy as a horse! Jimmy: That's great! Doctor: A horse with cancer.
I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.
I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother carl. he got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. when we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. it was pretty cholerious.
Covid-19 won't last long... it's made in China
There is thin line between death and life !! You won't live to see it .....
The Cardiogram will !!
What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.
So this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road he starts speeding. Eventually he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, is my wife okay, she was carrying my child. The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes “APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.
I said ‘ a smile’
They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay
My plan to avoid them is to not go to school
Going to school is mandatory in this country
Can you guess my plan?
Why is Joe Biden afraid of getting COVID? Because he'd lose his sense of smell.
So a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."
Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks... "Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"
"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."
What to you get if you cross diarrhoea with incest?
I don't know.
Neither do I, but it runs in the family.
doctor: you need to eat healthy
me: no
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after i suggested it died
me: oh my goodness
doctor: in a plane crash
me: that sounds unrelated
doctor: i'm the one that crashed it. do not disobey me
My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.
9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. -- That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
Why did the computer go to the doctor ?
Because it had a virus
when my grandpa was 65 he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.
he's 70 now and we have no idea where he is
One day a man was fixing a car, an he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like "dude, this can't be healthy." But he said "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
