I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
Why is Joe Biden afraid of getting COVID? Because he'd lose his sense of smell.
So a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."
There is thin line between death and life !! You won't live to see it .....
The Cardiogram will !!
doctor: you need to eat healthy
me: no
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after i suggested it died
me: oh my goodness
doctor: in a plane crash
me: that sounds unrelated
doctor: i'm the one that crashed it. do not disobey me
9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. -- That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
I don't know what an hd is, but my doctor says I have 80 of em'
Why did the computer go to the doctor ?
Because it had a virus
What to you get if you cross diarrhoea with incest?
I don't know.
Neither do I, but it runs in the family.
when my grandpa was 65 he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.
he's 70 now and we have no idea where he is
Pinocchio goes to the doctor for a checkup. When he gets there the doctor asks him “Do you have cancer?” Pinocchio replies, “That was very straight up, but, no I’m pretty sure I don’t have cancer.” After saying this, his nose grew.
What game hurts you the more stages you survive? Cancer
When you have a bladder infection
Urine trouble 😜
Don’t worry if you have a stroke
You’ll be all right
My brother caught Covid last month.
First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, 'I can't breathe, I can't breathe !'
I just told him straight: 'Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes.'
If the hairdresser is healthy, the cat is happy. *purr* On the other hand, if the hairdresser is sick, the cat is happy too. *purrs on the bed*
A dad tells his son “Stop masturbating! if you do it too long you will go blind.” The son replied “Dad, I’m over here.
Someone: PLEASE EAT I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE *Me tryna remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because ive already googled it and given up because it takes too long* Me: Na yeah I still have 19 days left
