What’s the most common name for cancer patients?
Luke (leukemia)
Health Jokes
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
Why doesn't Africa have pharmacies?
Because you can't take drugs on an empty stomach.
Why do pills work?
Because they are white.
The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
A lady sees a doctor about a tummy ache. After her check up, the Doctor said, “Looks like you’ll be needing nappies in about 9 months time.”
The lady asks, “Am I pregnant?” To which the Doctor replied, “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
How do you get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
A man once went to a doctor because his leg was turning blue.
The doctor said that his leg had to be amputated as it was getting poisonous.
The man then got plastic prosthetics.
Next day even the prosthetics started turning blue.
After much examination, the doctor found that the patient's pants were shedding color.
What's an edible part of a wheelchair?
A vegetable!
What are the four letters you don’t want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
I can make a word with those: "DICK".
How do you stop constipation?
You scare the crap outta them.
(Crap is another word for poop.)
What did the doctor say to the orphan?
"I can't help you with cancer, I'm a family doctor!"
Me after Taco Bell, "I’m about to blow this place up like September 11."
How does a prostitute that has blond hair and polish and a gay white male kill erectile dysfunction for his clients?
He performs fellatio on them.
Q: Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake.
What is the difference between cremation and smoking?
While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.
Did you know nine of ten dentists recommend oral sex?
Why did the math book go to the psychologist?
It had too many problems.
Imagine there’s a funny joke here. Imagine it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you’re schizophrenic.
