Health jokes
What do you call an emo cancer kid?
Chemo.
Technoblade can defeat every Minecraft player, but he still can’t defeat cancer!
Technoblade can defeat every Minecraft player, but he still can't defeat cancer!
What's Technoblade's actual Zodiac Sign?
Cancer!
"What do you tell a person with depression?
Just hang in there, buddy!"
What's the hardest part of a vegetable? The wheelchair! ♿
The doctor said I had two years to live, so I shot him. The warden gave me 50. Problem solved!
You're so skinny the world turns to the left!
Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic.
Plus, she's too young to smoke.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people.
What do you do if a woman is choking? Pull out a few inches.
I was driving a car and a fat person was crossing the street. When I swerved my car to miss her, I ran out of gas.
My fat friend went to the doctor because he wanted to know his blood type. After performing some tests, the doctor said, "Well, the test results have shown that your blood type is ragu."
What do you call it if you find an old organ keyboard on the side of the road?
Organ harvesting.
What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.
Exercise?
I thought you said "extra fries!"
-A minion (you may now laugh).
Right, I have a dog and his name is Syndrome, and whenever he is good, I go "Good Syndrome," but whenever he is naughty, I go "Down Syndrome."
Me: What are we doing in HPE?
Friend: Fitness.
Me: Fitting deez nuts in your mouth.
I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.
I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.
What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.
What did the doctor say to the Chinese man?
"Some ting wong."