Health jokes

What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?

They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.

What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?

Suicide.

Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.

The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"

Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."

The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"

Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."

Yo body so plastic that a turtle could choke on your peeled skin!

What creature takes the most medicine?

Caterpillar.

What kind of tea is hard to swallow?

Reali-tea.

If I ever stuff up a post, please let me be. I do have ADHD, short-term memory disorder, and dyscalculia, so please remember that no one likes to be picked on for things that they can't control.

"Being broke is a disease, stay the fuck away from me."

Back bent.

Errrrrrrrrr my spine doesn't work.

Eeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Yo mama's so fat, she even studied for the corona test.

You know why women wear tampons?

So the crabs could bungee jump!

What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer... no stage 5.

"I need to go to the doctor!"

"Why?"

"It has a crack in it."

I pregnoot.

I tried getting an abortion, but they said, "Sir, this is a pizzeria."

What do you call a Muslim with Tourette’s? A ticcing time bomb.

What’s a guy with Tourette’s favorite app to use? Tiktok.

Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.

Me after Taco Bell, "I’m about to blow this place up like September 11."