Health jokes

How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?

You pay the ice cream man to keep driving.

Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?

Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.

Yo mama so FAT... I tried to picture her in my head... AND SHE BROKE MY GOD DAMN NECK!

What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?

They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.

What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?

Suicide.

Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.

The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"

Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."

The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"

Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."

Yo body so plastic that a turtle could choke on your peeled skin!

What creature takes the most medicine?

Caterpillar.

What kind of tea is hard to swallow?

Reali-tea.

If I ever stuff up a post, please let me be. I do have ADHD, short-term memory disorder, and dyscalculia, so please remember that no one likes to be picked on for things that they can't control.

"Being broke is a disease, stay the fuck away from me."

Back bent.

Errrrrrrrrr my spine doesn't work.

Eeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Yo mama's so fat, she even studied for the corona test.

You know why women wear tampons?

So the crabs could bungee jump!

What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer... no stage 5.

"I need to go to the doctor!"

"Why?"

"It has a crack in it."

I pregnoot.

I tried getting an abortion, but they said, "Sir, this is a pizzeria."

What do you call a Muslim with Tourette’s? A ticcing time bomb.