Weirdo: I'm too high to die!
Me: You'll just fall harder.
Health Jokes
There are painkillers, but they only relieve physical pain. I wish something could relieve my internal pain.
My mom said the only way to cure depression is to do what she does. She's dead.
Your mom is so fat that when she went to the dentist, the man said, "One at a time."
Yo mama so fat that she's social distancing from herself.
Erectile dysfunction.
What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?
I don't know.
Neither do I, but it runs in the family.
Q. What do rape victims miss?
A. Part of their brain.
How do u get 40 cigarettes in a pack?
U shove them down his throat. š¤£š
I know this isn't an orphan joke, but I didn't know where to say it, so yeah.
I threw a nut at the allergy table and screamed, "YES, TRIPLE KILL!"
How did the rape victim on a diet lose 21 grams?
She died.
How do you help a rape victim on a diet lose 7 pounds?
Kill her afterwards.
What's the difference between me and a depressed kid? At least I'm out of the grave.
Why are uncles like curries?
Because bad ones hurt your asshole.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To eat Bob's arms.
Bob went to hospital and had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Bob.
If your sister steps on your toe, what will you call it?
What is the American virus? Diabetes.
Paralyzed Man: *gets up* Iām out of here!
Blind Man: Did that paralyzed man just get up?
Deaf Man: Did that Blind Man see that paralyzed man get up?
Mute Man: Did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
Dead Man: Did that mute man just say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
āNormalā Man: Did that dead man hear the mute man say did that deaf man hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
Doctor: *calls 911*
911 service: 911 whatās your emergency?
Doctor: Yes, uh, a ānormalā person just said that did that dead man just hear a mute man say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see a paralyzed man get up?
911 service: *hangs up*
You have two brain cells; one is lost, and the other is out looking for it.
Why did the bee go to the doctors?
Answer: Because he had hives.
