Health jokes
Why did the person peel his skin off? Because he wanted to.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite snack?
Vegetables.
A 6-year-old told the class the first time she got AIDS. The teacher listened. She said she scraped her knee. The girl was sent to an asylum. When she got out, she was 20. She had AIDS.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Natyourcheese.
Natyourcheese who?
Natyourcheese, I wasn't gonna say bless you!
What do you call a cow on steroids? A bull-y.
I have ligma.
What's the difference between cancer and me?
My dad didn't beat cancer... Whelp, I guess I stole that one.
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.
Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”
A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.
If I were to not eat the last biscuit, I would feel "crumby."
Guy #1 is being picked up by Guy #2 from the hospital.
Guy #1: Oh man, I just got my prostate checked. It's not looking good.
Guy #2: Why, what is it?
Guy #1: Turns out, I have prostate cancer.
Guy #2: Oh man that sucks...
Guy #1: Yeah, it's a real pain in the ass!
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
🎉🎇🎊🎆🎈
I got a heart pain then I went to [the] hospital. When the doctor says I am dead, but I run then I jump. I am not dead!
What's the difference between an American 12-year-old and an African 12-year-old? About 40 pounds.
My diet:
Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look...
What number is better; 46 or 47?
I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.
A joke, huh?
My sense of humor.
How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.
The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)
You’re so lame, you don’t have a superpower!
"Yah, I do!"
Oh yeah? What is it?
"My diaphragm contracts and moves downwards into my chest cavity and my lungs expand!"
That’s breathing, Jim.
"NO IT’S NOT, JACOB, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!"