After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”
The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says, "I have some good news and bad news."
So the patient says, "What is the bad news?" the Doctor replies, "I have had to amputate both your legs." So the patient says, "Well, what is the good news?" The Doctor replies, "I have found someone to buy your slippers."
Did you hear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? Well, he's dead.
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"
Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The Doctor replies, "I know, I amputated your arms."
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dyslexic.
Dyslexic who?
You.
When you have a bladder infection,
You're in trouble. 😜
My syndrome is down, but my hopes are up.
So, is a homosexual in a coma a fruit or a vegetable?
"Guess what my wife left in the freezer?"
"Her miscarriage."
I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. I'm already on stage 4.
A skeleton walks into a bar and said it takes "backbone" to mess with me, and if you try to insult me, I have thick skin.
What do you call an epileptic in a swimming pool? A dishwasher.
I asked my mum to be in the Paralympics, and she said I had to eat more vegetables.
AIDS?
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.
