Health jokes
What did the lungs say to the cigar?
"You take my breath away..."
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?
I don't eat the fruit.
Why is there air conditioning at a hospital?
To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
Yum!
What happens when a skeleton does not laugh at your pun?
Looks like someone's funny bone is broken. 😁
What do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.
I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I know he LCD'd them and all, but I have been tripping all day.
Why are hospitals always freezing?
They need to keep the vegetables cold.
What was the epileptic chef’s house special?
Seizure salad.
Why couldn’t Billy go to school today?
The bus driver hit Sally.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite drug?
Battery acid.
Why did the girl not eat her dinner?
because she has an eating disorder.
What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?
Mashed potatoes.
Why did Grampa pass out? Because of diabetes.
I got shot once. Now I'm holey.
Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag?
She lost her ass playing poker...
What do you call a hospital that's flooded with vegetable soup?
Why does the nurse need a red pen?
In case she has to draw blood.
What did Eminem do when he couldn't get some of his mom's spaghetti?
Well, he didn't make it back to recovery this time...