Health jokes
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common? They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"
Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The Doctor replies, "I know, I amputated your arms."
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dyslexic.
Dyslexic who?
You.
When you have a bladder infection,
You're in trouble. 😜
My syndrome is down, but my hopes are up.
So, is a homosexual in a coma a fruit or a vegetable?
"Guess what my wife left in the freezer?"
"Her miscarriage."
I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. I'm already on stage 4.
A skeleton walks into a bar and said it takes "backbone" to mess with me, and if you try to insult me, I have thick skin.
What do you call an epileptic in a swimming pool? A dishwasher.
I asked my mum to be in the Paralympics, and she said I had to eat more vegetables.
AIDS?
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.
What do you call a dinosaur that can’t eat?
Anarexic.
What's harder than taking a shit?
Trying to take a shit while constipated!
It ain't always easy having erectile dysfunction, but it sure as hell ain't hard.
It ain't always having erectile dysfunction, but it sure as hell ain't hard.