Why are colds such bad robbers?
Because they're so easy to catch.
Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.
Yo mama so fat, her blood type is mayonnaise.
Yo mama is so unfamiliar with the gym, she calls it James.
How do you get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
He: "Do you smoke after sex?"
She: "I don't know. I've never looked."
How do you tell if a loaf of bread has Down Syndrome?
It has an extra crumb-osome.
What do you call a Jamaican proctologist?
Pokémon!
What is it called when the gynecologist slanders your grandfather?
A pap smear.
The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say."
The doctor says, "Next, please."
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
What's the difference between a surgeon and God?
God knows he's not a surgeon.
