Health jokes
I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
What do hospitals do when they receive donor organs? They organize them.
What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.
She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
My dad and cancer go into a fight. I never saw my dad after that.
A man walks into a bar... Oww!
My reverse psychologist told me I didn't have it in me to make a recovery.
His favorite drink was his dribble.
Friend: I got bit.
Other friend: By what?
Friend: A dog.
Other friend: (Runs away and the next day you know everyone is wearing a mask and the friend gets expelled because of rabies.)
What was the doctor's diagnosis on a dinosaur with a low sex drive? Teraerectile dysfunction.
A man sees a woman. He falls in love with her. Little did he know she had AIDS.
What do you get when you beat up an autistic kid?
Mashed potatoes.
If you are dehydrated, you should get well soon.
What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.
Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."
Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"
Patient: "What condition?"
Knock knock. Who’s there? Mimi. Mimi who? Mimi’s got cancer.
Why does Ella have cancer?
Because she’s stupid.
Why did Mimi cross the road?
She had cancer.
When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.
I said that I have been ill.
The doctor said he had good news and bad news. The good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.