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Health jokes

"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!" "What's wrong with me!" "Calm down, calm down. Just pull yourself together!"

Two pencils walking down the street.

Which one hasn’t got AIDS?

The one with the rubber on.

Cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer.

Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.

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    • What did the skeleton say when his girlfriend said, "I'm gonna break your heart?"

    He says, "Go ahead, you're not breaking my 206 healthy bones!"

    Yo mama's so stinky that whenever she walks into a building, the flies drop dead!

    Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guy's body. They notice when they walk over that he has a boner. The first doctor decides, "Why not fuck him? He still has a boner left in him." The second says, "Well, he's dead, and I am a virgin." The third one says, "I can't, I'm on my period," and then says, "Okay, why not? He's already dead. It's not like he doesn't smell bad." After all that, they go to walk out, and the guy pops up and says, "Thanks for saving my life, pumping blood back into my body..."

    What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?

    Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.