Health jokes
Me and my cancer
Are like a game of Fortnite.
I’ll never win.
I just found out I'm colorblind!
The diagnosis came completely out of the orange!
What did the skeleton say when his girlfriend said, "I'm gonna break your heart?"
He says, "Go ahead, you're not breaking my 206 healthy bones!"
What song is sung when conceiving?
"Let's Get Physical, Physical!"
Where are fart bombs made?
Old people's arses!
Yo mama's so stinky that whenever she walks into a building, the flies drop dead!
Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guy's body. They notice when they walk over that he has a boner. The first doctor decides, "Why not fuck him? He still has a boner left in him." The second says, "Well, he's dead, and I am a virgin." The third one says, "I can't, I'm on my period," and then says, "Okay, why not? He's already dead. It's not like he doesn't smell bad." After all that, they go to walk out, and the guy pops up and says, "Thanks for saving my life, pumping blood back into my body..."
Chuck Norris doesn't get sun burns. The sun knows better.
What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?
Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.
I'm sorry for your loss.
It is going tibia okay.
What are all grandmas infected with? Defiantly not a parasite!
Knock knock. Who's there? Ach. Ach who? Bless you!
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because he lost his filling.
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"
"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."
What’s Stephen Hawkins favourite shampoo and conditioner?
Head and shoulders.
I saw a disabled person in the super market. They were at the vegetable aisle.
A friend of mine chews gum, lays back to yawn, then chokes on the gum. Then I said, "God, what, you choking on dick?"
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Everything is black, I can't see, can you?
Your mama so ugly, when the baby came out of her, the baby didn't cry. The baby said, "What the hell is this shit?" and walked out of the hospital.