A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.
The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.
what did the pedophile say to the kid?
"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."
What bird doesn’t need a comb?
Bald eagles.
Sir, I mustache you a question...
Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.
What do you call a baby with red curry fried hair?
A baby using a potato peeler and a comb.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"
Yo mama so fat, when you married your sister, she was big enough to sit on the groom's side and the bride's side.
"Knock knock?"
"Mustache."
"I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later!"
Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"
Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"
Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."
Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".
He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"
Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."
If you're gonna razor yourself, you might as well have shaving cream.
What is a pedophile's favorite dating site?
Kinder
A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with "Hey girls, would you like some candy?" They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says "God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes."
Is it just me, or when you wipe your ass too deep, it reminds you of your uncle? Just me?
What did the pedophile say to the nutcracker?
"Aren't you a little too young to be doing that?"
What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the first period starts.
A pedophile is chatting on the internet: "On a scale of one to ten, how old are you?"
Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to straighten her pubic hair and burned her balls.
Where did the sheep get a haircut?
At the baa-baa shop.
