Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?" Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"
Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."
Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “what do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed. Most women can’t pull off sarcasm
a girl and her brother are walking in their garden POV:Brother. Sister:Why are you cutting those flowers?
Brother; because their beautiful!
Sister:I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren't.
Brother:......
Dad. Son who do you want to marry when you grow up? Son. A ugly girl. Dad. Why not a pretty girl? Son. A pretty one might run away. Dad. So and ugly one might to. Son. Yeah but who cares.
How do you know you’re ugly? If you always get handed the camera for group photos.
I’m not into watching sunsets, but I’d love to see you go down.
I'm shocked that Kanye West never tried to get Carrie Underwood's number after Carrie starred in a pro-Aryan ad for Almay.
Sign outside a hair salon: We'll color your hair or dye trying.
30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way the first lady she was obsessed with her looks so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish the next person didn't know what to wish for so they wish for the same thing the guy in the very back was laughing having a grand old time then god got to the person before the last he aaid the same he wished to be beautiful when God got to the last person he said I want them all to be ugly again.
You remind me of a snowflake, beautiful and unique. One touch and your wet.
if ugliness was a brick, you would be the great wall of china
Beautiful people should read this quote: “God gave you beauty but not brains.”
Husband: Hay honey words can’t describe how beautiful you are. Wife: aww thanks Husband:But numbers can 0 out of 10
What do women put on their ears to look more attractive? -- Their knees.
Roses are red violets are blue I thought the grinch was ugly until I saw you
Gaston gets the no belle prize :D
Motivational Quote for today: if you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...
is it just me or your the prettiest person I seen today
