Beauty jokes

You're so ugly, when you put makeup on, it makes you look like a clown.

What NFL teams parts with James Charles!?

Green Bay Packers & New England Patriots

Beauty is blind? Ya damn right, 'cause that's what happened when she saw your ass.

I saw a girl with blond hair. She was sexy and beautiful. I thought she was the most hottest girl I ever saw, so I ran up to her feeling hot.

If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents.

The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.

"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"

Sally: "You..."

Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"

Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."

Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"

Johnny: "A pig."

Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "

Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"

Yesterday, I saw an advert with a random woman dancing, and someone said that they were beautiful.

And then I said, "Except the fat people." And then I got sent to my room for saying that.

So, two people are on a date and the guy says, "Wow, you are so beautiful!"

Then the girl says, "You just want to have sex!"

Then the guy adds, "SMART TO!"

Words can’t describe how beautiful you are.

But numbers can. (Lol)

My friend is so ugly, she got surgery twice, but not even that could fix her.

Once I was in South Korea doing stand up comedy... and I started with a "hidden" joke and I said: "I'm so happy to be here in one of the most beautiful Korea's in the world..." which is a good joke but they didn't get it, and they looked at me badly... so I said "I'm here in the South which is more beautiful... South good, North booooooo." But still nothing, they kept glaring at me... then I realized that maybe I was in the wrong Korea.

Mom: Anna, let your younger brother have the sled one half of the time, and you the other half. That way it will all be fair, and I don't have to put up with this crying. I've already got seven others to take care of.

Anna: I do, Mom. I have Fred (younger brother) go up, and I go down!

Mom: Good. Now how 'bout the rest of you go play outside? It's beautiful out there! It's the warmest it's been all year, 45 degrees below 0!

Kids: Wow! I never thought it would warm up! I love Alaska!

Abortion is beautiful.

You're so ugly not even your mom thinks you're beautiful.

Once upon a time, there was a crow with a piece of cheese in its mouth. Then a fox came, and when he saw the piece of cheese, he tried to trick the crow. He said that the crow's voice was beautiful, and then he said he wanted to hear him sing, so the crow started singing, and then the piece of cheese fell out of his mouth. He said never trust anyone, and then he walked away.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I was born pretty, what happened to you?

Top ten dog breeds:

10. Dogs

9. Are

8. Beautiful

7. Animals

6. And

5. Judgement

3. Is

2. Cruel

1. Dachshund

What do you call someone who’s blond, beautiful, and listens to what you’re saying, but only hears what they want?

Womxn

Tork Poettschke says to Charles Bukowski: "You have beautiful teeth! Are they also available in white?"

Two blonde girls find a beautiful Christmas tree in the woods.

After two hours, someone said, "We found a tree without bark!"