How does a cannibal start a wedding reception? He toasts the groom
Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.
What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the first period starts.
What do bees brush their hair with?
A honeycomb.
A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with "Hey girls, would you like some candy?" They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says "God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes."
What do pedophiles and a SpongeBob intro have in common?
Are you ready kids?
i groomed 2 minors today
Where did the sheep get a hair cut?
At the baa-baa shop.
I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
i hooked up with the groom at my uncle's wedding
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "Wow, hairy!"
how does the bunny keep his fur neat
with a hare brush
You're so skinny that you use Chapstick as deodorant.
I didn't like having long nails, but they're growing on me.
What's a paedophile's favorite footwear?
White Vans.
What did the pedophile say to the nutcracker?
"Aren't you a little too young to be doing that?"
A man had moved to a new contry with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there telling he wanted his dog to be groomed. The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours" so the man left and came back a couple hours later when he asked about his dog he was given a box of jerky he found out "happy dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"
Yo mama so fat when you married your sister she was big enough to sit on the groom's side and the bride's side.
